THINGS I'M EXCITED TO DO AS A GROWNUP PERSON

eventually
  1. Order a mimosa at brunch
    How wild is it that you can just be more than slightly buzzed before noon and no one cares
  2. Be bad at technology
    and slang. People who have just begun to lose touch with the youth are endearing
  3. Complain about Social Security
    I'd like to understand and care deeply about this issue
  4. Complain about gas prices
    $4.00 for regular unleaded gas? When did we become socialist?
  5. Go to dinner parties
    Like ones where you bring a bottle of wine and have a legitimate host and meet your coworkers spouses.
  6. Vote
  7. Get into bars
    I'm pretty certain that I don't like bars but everyone goes to bars so I guess I'd do it too
  8. Desperately need coffee
    To the point of becoming less of a person when you don't drink it? Is this real or an elaborate joke?