THOUGHTS OF SOMEONE WHO FAILED TO DONATE BLOOD TODAY

today i definitely did not "make a difference" but hey, i tried!
  1. a month ago my friend who is organizing a blood drive texted me asking if i want to save lives
  2. sure i do! im not a horrible person!
  3. immediately anxiety set in but i had a month before anything would happen so i put it out of my mind
  4. who am i to let a fear of needles stop me from helping people
  5. yesterday she texted me telling me to fill out stuff online the day of my appointment
  6. this morning i wake up
  7. im tired, worked till 10:30pm yesterday and didnt sleep well
  8. im not hungry so i dont eat till about 1:30
  9. that's fine right? i do that sometimes and im fine
    apparently its not fine when you are donating blood
  10. i make sure to hydrate myself and drink at least 2 liters of water
  11. all i ate were a muffin and some pretzels
  12. but it's fine! i'll be fine!
  13. i fill out the online forms and get in the car
  14. i start thinking
    not a good idea
  15. @k_land 's mom has told me about when she donated blood and they messed up and her whole arm swelled up
    i dont want that to happen to me!!
  16. i think about the needle inserting into my weak arm and then blood, which gives my body oxygen, flowing into a bag
  17. but it's fine, i dont need this blood i have plenty more
  18. people need it more than me
  19. i cant let a fear of needles stop me from helping people
  20. that's selfish!!!
  21. i arrive, park, and pee
    ready to go! time to save a life!
  22. it's my turn and i climb into the truck
  23. i sit down in the little room to answer some questions and get my iron tested
  24. "what's your name, DOB, address" etc
  25. it's all good
  26. the nurse takes my blood pressure and pulse
  27. "are you nervous" -nurse
  28. "haha yeah... i'm a little afraid of needles but it's fine"
    i knew she was gonna catch me i cant physically stop my heart from racing!! trust me i tried
  29. "okay im gonna prick your finger to check your iron"
  30. i look away, i've done this a million times this is no problemo!
  31. prick!
  32. barely even hurts, i'm fine, ready to save some lives!!
  33. she checks my pulse again
  34. i know its high
  35. my heart is racing
  36. but it's fine! right?
  37. "are you okay?"
  38. "haha yeah.. i cant see very well though"
    i get tunnel vision, but this happens all the time with orthostatic hypotension! no problemo
  39. wtf is wrong with me! is this a joke
  40. all of a sudden i actually cannot see
  41. i close and open my eyes to make sure
  42. black! darkness! how?? how can my eyes be open and i cant see??
  43. "olivia, are you okay"
  44. "uh yeah im fine.. i just cant really see"
  45. "okay sweetie, keep talking, what did you eat today"
  46. "umm a muffin"
  47. "blsidhhsiakansysi"
  48. i cant hear?? is there cotton in my ears?? what is happening
  49. i feel wet towels on my forehead and neck
  50. they put one on my stomach??
  51. still cant see or hear
  52. "olivia, honey, keep talking to me"
  53. okay?? wtf do i say
  54. "do you have any siblings"
  55. i can barely hear
  56. "yeah, i have a sister"
  57. "we are gonna try and help you breath better"
  58. a paper bag is put up to my mouth
  59. holy shit that actually works!!
  60. i can breath and it's getting brighter!
  61. "hey, i can kinda see now"
  62. "that's great sweetie, keep breathing normally"
  63. i can see again!!!
  64. "we are gonna move you to a cot, are you ready"
  65. "yeah i'm fine!"
  66. i move over and lie down
  67. then i start laughing
  68. too classic of me to pass out @ a finger prick
  69. i guess saving lives just aint for me!
  70. "at least you tried, you made it in the door, most people cant even do that"
  71. thanks mr. nurse, but i dont think your words of encouragement are going to console me when i'm ridiculed by my friends!!
  72. i drink 3 orange juice cans, absolutely delicious, really hit the spot after a good fainting
  73. i sit up, eat 5 bags of snacks (cheez-its, chips a hoy, oreos, trailmix, fruit snacks) and 30 minutes later im out of there!
  74. all in all A for effort, F for followthrough
  75. i guess there are worse things to fail at!
  76. good to know my mom and dad and sister have all blacked out doing the same thing
  77. would've been great to have that family history beforehand!
  78. thanks, verants (vera parents), once again for helping me make a fool out of myself!!