A significantly shorter list.
  1. My friends named their first child after me, kind of.
  2. Botox saved my life.
  3. My pervert cat finally got his balls chopped.
  4. I watched Stranger Things before it was the cool thing to do and got everyone I know to watch it and they were all like "omg Olivia you have amazing taste in tv."
  5. I managed not to die.