ROOMMATES I HAVE HAD

I haven't had that long a life yet but I've lived with a lot of people.
  1. Grace Chuang
    She was from Hong Kong and I tried to be her friend but in nine months of sharing a room she talked to me maybe seven times. Once she wasn't answering her phone I guess so her parents called the police and a really cute cop came to my door. The week before we moved out I found out she'd been writing mean things about me on the Internet.
  2. Lex
    She cursed a lot and went to bed really early. One time she tackled me and broke my bed. I think we would have been better friends if we hadn't lived together.
  3. Priscilla
    She's pretty and skinny but she was really passive aggressive and in a sorority. One time her boyfriend showed up drunk with five eggs in his pocket holding pancake mix and maple syrup. They're getting married soon. I wasn't invited.
  4. Ashlynn
    I didn't get to know her very well but she rode horses and seemed sweet. She and Priscilla were best friends in high school but sharing an apartment lead them to stop speaking forever. One time she came home from a frat party covered in vomit and her friend had to take her home and get her dressed for bed. Les and Priscilla laughed at her about it but I'm pretty sure she was roofied.
  5. Becca
    She's that friend you go to for sex advice. She has Coeliac disease and is a vegetarian so all she ate in the year we lived together was rice with cheese. I didn't like her boyfriend and she said "up your butt" a lot. One time she pulled a porno DVD out of a dumpster.
  6. Tali
    She sort of invited herself into our living situation and it turned out to be one of the best things that happened to me ever. She is obsessed with watching bad movies repeatedly and makes me laugh more than just about anyone. Once we were drunk and bored and she suggested we make a film so we made this: http://youtu.be/WSbzT9rfM-U
  7. Ania
    It's a long story but I only met her once before we moved into a tiny room together and she turned out to be my soulmate? I could write a whole list about her and I'm tearing up thinking about it so I'll cut this short. One time we went sledding drunk and fell asleep cuddling in the snow for a couple minutes.
  8. Jess
    Jess was my first real friend in college but we didn't live together until senior year. She's infamous for breaking things and is a serial monogamist. I don't think I could count all the boyfriends she has had since I've known her. I used to kind of roll my eyes at that but now I admire her optimism. One time we planned and threw a mustache-themed party just bc we wanted to make hair puns in the Facebook event.
  9. Susan
    Had better clothes than me but thinks my wardrobe is superior (it's okay because we all shared everything). She's glamorous as hell and tells it like it is and always has at least three men chasing after her who she uses to do her bidding. One time we played True American with her dad in the basement of her beach house.
  10. Quincey
    We shared a room for a summer when Tali moved to New York. He's cute and sensitive and sleeps like a cat and complains a lot. He taught us how to play Dungeons and Dragons. One time he put on my fur coat and pretended to be Macklemore for an evening.
  11. Kim
    @lame is my best friend so this was a dream? But we were killing a bottle of wine each at least one night a week so maybe it's for the best that this got cut short. One time we walked up a steep hill with 20 lbs of IKEA goods on our backs and listened to Miley Cyrus's The Climb to help us through.
  12. Riley
    Even though he looks like a hipster and is from Portland he's kind of messed up politically and makes fun of me for caring about feminism and racial equality? But he likes to sing and play guitar and doesn't get annoyed when I tap in on the harmonies.
  13. Robbie
    He doesn't clean the oven so when we cook the kitchen fills with smoke and I can't breathe well. He laughs at all my jokes though so that's nice.