this is a venting list

  1. I spent two months stressing over whether or not I wanted to stay in the Czech Republic for another year.
  2. Finally I decided I do. I have a life here, I am traveling a lot, and I am happy.
    I just started the process to renew my visa for another 15 months.
  3. Today I found out I do not have my job for another year, since the school is phasing out its music department.
    They knew this two months ago. My boss just told me last week. I was lead to believe that there was a possibility for me to teach English instead since they were looking for more English teachers, but today I found out that those positions were filled three weeks ago.
  4. I know I could find another job at another school in Prague.
  5. But I don't think I have the energy to learn a new job and a new system in a career I don't want to stay in.
    And all the good full time jobs get taken in April, so it's too late to apply for any positions I would actually want.
  6. I feel like it's a sign that I should just pack it in and move back to the US at the end of the summer.
  7. Now that the reality of that is hitting me I am starting to panic.
    I want to write but I don't know how to break into the industry. I don't want to move back in with my parents in a town where I no longer have any friends. I'm not ready to leave behind this city that I still feel has a lot to show me.
  8. I thought I was prepared to deal with this but I am not.
  9. I feel impotent and small and I want to crawl in a hole and cry all day but I have to teach a bunch of bratty kids for the next five hours.