1. spilling ketchup on his shirt and then discreetly sucking it off the shirt
  2. telling someone he gave them herpes via text message
  3. bullying a Jewish student at a 1950s New England prep school
  4. wearing a Cat in the Hat hat and deploying it in a pickup artist situation
  5. spearheading the implosion of the international financial system
  6. pulling "down low too slow" on a golden retriever puppy
  7. performing all of Limp Bizkit's "Greatest Hitz" album in a racist Asian accent
  8. drowning a feral cat in a garbage can
  9. arranging to meet an orphan at a diner in an "About A Boy"-type scenario and then no-showing and breaking off contact forever
  10. farting so hard he starts crying
  11. telling someone he gave them herpes via text message; said text message includes the emoticon ;-(