THINGS I WILL NEVER LEARN TO LOVE

Please never recommend these things to me
  1. Stationary yoga/meditation
    Waste of time. If you got things done in that time, or even took a brisk walk or drank a cup of coffee, odds are you'd feel good enough to ignore any deep urges to "empty your mind and just breathe". Besides, isn't that what sleep is for?
  2. Tinder
    This one goes without saying. On a different note, please share with me all your Tinder horror stories. "Haha and then what ;)"
  3. Licorice
    It literally gives me a headache, every time, red or black, without fail. Every time. I try every year.
  4. Weed
    I've seen too many stoner-types to appreciate any value of recreational marijuana, regardless of legality.
  5. Ice cream without toppings
    Why bother?