We all have unconscious guilt and we try to atone for our crimes in ways that sometimes hurt us and others. We need to knock that shit off!!
- •Guilt and shame are the two most troubling psychological problems people have.People suffer terribly. Every day I sit with a patient who is scathing and ferociously attacking themselves for the most trivial crimes
- •People often talk about guilty feelings, things that they did or said or experienced or felt that made them feel terrible guilty.The conscious guilt is something easy to work with, the more difficult guilt is the unconscious guilt that people carry around and that motivates all sorts of self and other destructive behaviors
- •How do we know when we have unconscious guilt since it is so hard to perceive directly?We notice certain patterns of self-destructive self sabotage. we find that we are anxious and depressed and cannot figure out why exactly, we also notice that we feel a lot of negative feelings, like frustration or anger or fear or intense loneliness. We think we know why we feel these things but maybe it's more unconscious then you might believe
- •Children are incredibly egocentric. They believe that they are responsible for everything that happens to anyone around them. If mommy or daddy is having a bad day, if sister is angry, if brother is grumpy, the child unconsciously accepts responsibility for this experience.This is the source of unconscious guilt: the child's unconscious egocentric belief that they are the cause of other people's difficulties, and that they are the cause of their own problems. Again this is unconscious, the child doesn't think this explicitly, it is implicit. And like many unconscious beliefs it becomes a major driver of experience and behavior. Poor poor baby :(
- •Miranda cannot complete her PhD in psychology. She constantly delays completing her dissertation, She fails to turn in her chapters to her chair on time. She repeatedly avoids sitting down to work. She believes she is lazy and incompetentMiranda's mother had a severe postpartum depression. She was depressed and dependent on Miranda to make her feel better. Miranda's father was narcissistic, and spent a lot of time blowing his own horn about his achievements. Miranda has the unconscious belief that if she were to succeed, she would threaten her father and abandon her mother. Thus she puts herself in a position to fail
- •Joel seems to undo every single relationship he has. The second he gets close to a woman, he feels an unbearable sense of suffocation and panic, and he does something to end the relationshipJoel was a very very good child. He had an intense need to please his mother and his father. His parents fought constantly, and Joel felt unconsciously responsible for their conflict. He felt strongly that only by being good could he keep his parents together. Unconsciously he believes that if he were to separate and find a woman of his own it would result in a catastrophic divorce for his mother and father. He stays single
- •It Takes a lot of hard work to figure out what our specific individual unconscious guilt is all about. Good therapy with someone who really understands the power of unconscious guilt can be incredibly helpful.
- •That's all for now, love, Doc P