Things Your Therapist Is Thinking About You

  1. She is wishing you hadn't eaten tuna right before you came to her office.
  2. Now she is thinking about what she will have for lunch.
  3. She is thinking that alternating between scathing self shaming and blaming other people isn't working for you
  4. She is thinking that if she had been your mother you would be just fine
  5. She is relieved that you hate your mother more than her kids hate her.
  6. She is thinking your husband is probably gay
  7. She is thinking that your description of the family Christmas dinner means that she should throw her body in front of you before you try and see those evil fucks again
  8. But she is thinking that you are probably being a little too hard on your sister
  9. And she is wondering whether or not to confront you about the booze on your breath which isn't mixing well with the tuna fish
  10. And she is wishing she had your fashion sense
  11. AND she thinks she is going to put out a contract on your husband who criticized the size of your thighs
  12. And finally she is glad for the 10 minutes before the next session to regroup
  13. I wish I'd had a therapist like me.
    Suggested by   @evan