ON THIS DAY, TWO YEARS AGO

This is a sad post. You have been warned. I've never written about this time and shared it, but I somehow feel comfortable sharing this here, with all you beautiful strangers. On this day, two years ago...
  1. I was at the hospital, spending time with my amazing mother, as I had been every day for the past 2+ months
  2. The hospital stay, and her illness, had changed her appearance, but she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever met
  3. She still had such grace and presence, and would smile and blow kisses at us because she knew how happy it made us
  4. Her will to live was incredible. Despite an emergency surgery two and a half months earlier, and despite doctors warning us she likely wouldn't pull through, she survived it and thrived past it, beating the odds
  5. But the cancer was another issue that was still there
  6. On this day, two years ago, she slept and slept and slept. I was by her side for any waking moment
  7. The oncologist came by and said it would be any day now
  8. I cried
  9. I prayed
  10. I maintained hope
  11. Her last meal was her favourite, stuffed zucchini that I had managed to make the most flavourful it had ever been
  12. My brothers sent me home for the night
  13. At around 2:30 am on the 23rd, one of them called to tell me her breathing pattern had changed, and I should get my dad and come
  14. We rushed
  15. I was sure the whole city could hear my heart beat
  16. We were all by her side, all of us
  17. From her eyes, I could tell she was still able to comprehend everything around her, and she knew we were there, loving her
  18. I held her hand
  19. We all told her it was okay, that we love her, and that we would all be okay
  20. My mom passed away on October 23rd, 2013 at 3:30am.
  21. I have never been the same person
  22. Three days later, exactly a day after her funeral, and a day before my birthday, I found out I was pregnant with my first child, and what would have been her fist grandchild
  23. He has been my saving grace. I shower him with love and affection. I let him get away with more than I probably should, but he is my miracle
  24. But on this day, today, I sit here in tears, missing my mother, and wishing I could watch her play with my little boy