"I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR HANDS AT PARTIES"

  1. Has this ever happened to you?
    You're at a party and you feel awkward because you don't know what to with your hands. WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH HANDS AT PARTIES?! AMIRITE?!
  2. Fear not! Now you can get the "Party Hands Instructions Manual"
    Where you find over thousands of possible things to do with your hands at any event!
  3. For only 99.99 you can get EXCLUSIVE tips and instructions like:
  4. One hand in your pocket is golden, two hands are pushing your luck
  5. Pose for pictures even if they're not being taken
  6. Arm wrestle
    But be careful who you challenge because if s/he beats you... YOU DIE!
  7. Wave em around like you just don't care...
    about their expensive stuff!
  8. Hold a drink with both hands. If anyone asks, say you're tripping balls and you can't let go of this bomb. This will also excuse any other odd behavior.
  9. Saluting people wo are commanding you to do things
    Mostly for family reunions and such
  10. Eat chips. Double dip it if the mood calls for it.
  11. Hold a drink that's almost empty
    Gives you the opportunity to leave a boring conversation to get a new one. Also makes you look cool AF.
  12. DON'T be on your phone just to be on your phone
    It's better to leave
  13. Call us now at 1-800-LOOK-MA-NO-HANDS
  14. If you call us within the next 10 minutes, we will give you two books for the price of one*!
    *One double book that is, which is $199.98.
  15. Please call now.
  16. I'm not allowed to leave until we sell every copy, so PLEASE CALL US!?
  17. PLEASE!!!!