LINES FROM MY MTV CRIBS OVER THE YEARS

  1. Age 5: My mom's house
    My mom says I'm not supposed to let strangers in the house anymore. Come back later!
  2. Age 18: My dad's house
    This is the third house my dad has moved to after the divorce. You can tell because every single room needs to be renovated and all the furniture is from the sale at IKEA.
  3. Age 20: My first apartment
    This is where the magic happens! You can tell I have my life together because I don't have a single matching cup or glass in the cupboard. It's a little hard to see because the power was turned off yesterday.
  4. Age 22: My dorm when I went to college
    *FRIENDS marathon is on in the background* It's just like any other dorm. Please don't look at the mess in the kitchen. Or the empty beer cans everywhere.
  5. Age 27: My current apartment
    Yes, this is a place for a grown-up. Everything is well put together. Yes, my wife did pick out most of the stuff. Ok, all of it.