1. Everyone hates the prequels.
    79b9358e f8aa 4d83 a7bc 4d75355f2c54
    This is the one that started it all. I don't remember anything but liking it a little bit when it came out. So here we go again.
  2. I'm already bored.
    58a373cd 9476 4b54 88c9 07d623c21a75
    Ok, shake it off. The whole thing can't be bad.
  3. These aren't storm troopers.
    B3f34aef 3b45 46ca b410 f0d3dfba6f11
  4. This is not C3PO.
    8c4821d9 f6c5 4fd0 94cb 6d734ad50c7a
  5. They're not great at sensing trouble.
    Fea3e423 03ca 41a8 829c 4bb1ea79fb61
    They're about to be killed and no senses are going off. Maybe they're not so great with the force after all?
  6. These puppets speak perfect English in spite of being unable to move their mouths.
    6cf80d94 2e25 4e44 be94 31c2a0618f60
  7. I can't tell if the movie is actually trying to hide who the Emperor is.
    88d2945b 9acc 4e69 bd27 6e82816fe0fa
    The movie is filled with hints! For instance, the first two people to show up on a hologram look and sound suspiciously similar.
  8. This Jedi has a very particular set of skills.
    3e130298 7bbc 4440 8053 3f5b9c36ce97
    He will open this door, he will find you, and he will kill you.
  9. Some of these special effects hold up, others apparently don't.
    6a11b4a2 3f63 442e abc7 d3d2df6d9e38
    After defeating these robots, the Jedi decide to leave the spaceship and run to the planet below... for no apparent reason.
  10. Things just got a little more racist.
    334aea50 98af 4bc6 b962 07087a032253
  11. I have a hard time with this scene.
    7cec64a6 fa14 4ddf 93ab b62c55a1a840
    This is a VERY calm little lake, almost as if it was on a studio lot. Jar Jar claims there's a secret city down there. Ok, I'll get to that in a second. The weirdest thing is how the Jedi have tons of gadgets in their robes, like a mini scuba diving thingie. They were sent to negotiate a treaty in space! Why would they pack their diving equipment?! In case they had time for some sightseeing? I guess a Jedi is like a Boy Scout, always (conveniently) prepared.
  12. This is the "hidden" city.
    Ba55e835 aa4b 4804 84ae 3ee4e69e1cca
    How hidden can it really be when all the lights are screaming "WE'RE OVER HERE!" It needs to be pretty deep for no one to see this city from the surface, even if it's in a cave.
  13. Hold up! Things aren't adding up!
    F2d06ba7 1b7a 40bb aa1c 9e6a5bd87fd4
    Why did the Jedi need to go here again? They want to find the queen. Why did Jar Jar take them there when he knew he would be arrested? He could have just shown them where it was and be like "I'll see you guys on the surface. Lastly, why does a people who can easily breathe under water live in airlocks?
  14. Jedi senses fail yet again
    C1fe3aa8 0954 46f2 bf1e 933d99707df4
    Seriously though. A giant killer fish is after them and no bells go off until it's too late. That's not just being a bad Jedi, that's being a bad submarine commander. Also, I have yet to hear of a fish that eats submarines.
  15. Conveniently saved by a bigger fish.
    629de88a 6fb7 475b 8c61 895c314529a0
    They encounter a big scary fish twice and both times they are saved by an even bigger fish. That's two times too many.
  16. It look really hard to keep this giant lawn so well kept.
    8a23e69b 80d7 45a6 903b 2e3cc2a09568
    Animating trees and tall grass must be expensive.
  17. The Queen is taken prisoner without a fight?
    D2f39b7d 4128 4504 82c7 c36f5466e10b
    They have an army! They have fighters! And the droids are just allowed to walk in?! That seems like poor leadership. Also, the bad guy was in space when Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan landed on this planet. Are you telling me that the two Jedi spent so much time getting to the city that the droid army could invade the capitol AND the villain could get there from space!? I'm really starting to doubt our two Jedi here.
  18. These droids suck!
    C5196e45 92e0 4687 b9a9 bf28654993cd
    The Jedi defeat a team of droids and no alarms go off? They also just walk up in the hangar to this ship. Shouldn't the robots know who' transporting the prisoners? Shouldn't this be harder?!
  19. This is R2D2!
    163cba2d c7ac 445f 9182 a1b2158c2fe3
    Finally! Appearance of this lovable character tries to make you forget all the weird stuff that has happened so far.
  20. Darth Maul does intimidating arm cross stance for no reason.
    De9fa5a8 008b 4c47 b28c 5acebc68add2
    Or I guess it's just in case you don't know he's the villain.
  21. As much as I love R2D2, why is he being rewarded?
    Ca59817f 536d 4438 ad79 4f7bd55215f9
    It's a robot. He did his job, which was fixing the ship's shield. I love this guy but is what he did enough to get a meeting with the queen? If so, his reward is just getting cleaned? This is just weird.
  22. Queen Amidala is really taking her undercover role seriously.
    33960071 4959 4cbf bb95 06c9f5cb6557
    If you don't remember, this servant girl is actually the Queen. There are at all times five or six servant girls, and the fake queen sends the real queen (Padme) to clean the droid? Anyone could have done this! I also feel like there would be an automated cleaning service in the ship for droids. Maybe not. Regardless, the real Queen/Padme is really embracing being a servant girl. Maybe it's method acting for a play she's in.
  23. They're trying to avoid attention, so they park in the outskirts of the city.
    41df7326 3381 4211 b8e2 98f3cc546df1
    Good thing they're not in a super fancy and shiny spaceship or anything.
  24. Why is Jar Jar going?
    C29f56e2 aa6b 49c1 94ab 0041b36517f7
    Qui-Gon needs to go, R2D2 is helpfull, and the Queen requests that Padme goes. Jar Jar serves absolutely no purpose. He's nothing but comically inept. He was kicked out of his city for being clumsy! Maybe not bring him to a dangerous city where you need to keep a low profile?
  25. Watto is more offensive than I remember.
    7e52f611 59f3 453d ac3f 7104a43b3594
    He's a mix of the worst portrayal of a Jew and a greasy Italian. Not sure who came up with this character but I have a feeling it was a WASP.
  26. White boy gets offended when he's called a slave.
    A88abbff a049 47d2 8947 781472790679
  27. This relationship gets creepy quickly.
    15e4aade 1227 44a8 a5dc 9c07eac89141
    In reality the actors are 8 years. She was 18, he was 10. I'm sure she was supposed be appear younger (and he older), but this is actually really creepy.
  28. Don't worry, Qui-Gon gets creepy too.
    424038bc a120 4f94 abfd a3e394d7e6e9
    There's a sandstorm coming and Anakin invites them to his house for dinner and to spend the night. Qui-Gon accepts the proposal from a 10 year-old and we're supposed to be ok with that?! My mom would have killed me if I brought four strangers home like this.
  29. This sandstorm doesn't look all that bad.
    937f8a30 f4bd 4ed1 89e0 0885185ed9e7
    I could be wrong. Never been in a sandstorm. The one in Mad Max Fury Road, however, looks a little more harsh than this.
  30. This is C3PO!
    F49e9a21 9208 44ec 961e 795eb7867a3f
    Isn't nice to know that future Darth Vader built him?
  31. Gotham planet by night.
    2b1583d1 9a38 4203 a292 2910aa50c3cb
    This will be important later.
  32. So now we know where the Emperor and Darth Maul is.
    994118b9 9ef7 4277 8e51 0490a104f399
    They have a long dreary conversation and I'm still not scared of them. Ugh, are we past the point of no return yet? No?! Ok, let's get to it then.
  33. Table manners are hard to come by.
    5cd1946c be36 4d91 8d02 8b1bc68a48e4
    See, this is why you shouldn't have brought Jar Jar. He's being gross. You touching his tongue like that isn't great either.
  34. Who stands like this?
    872b960a 4797 4f5a 85c0 2dff33509dd6
    That can't be a comfortable stretch. Also,Qui-Gon is sensing something in the boy. Creeeeepy!
  35. Not exactly mother of the year over here.
    1d1c7956 b656 4056 ba26 1a2707d9b913
    This is the mother who not only allows for strangers to come spend the night but also lets her son compete in a deadly race to give them money. Something Qui-Gon also allows. Future adults are very irresponsible.
  36. Mother explains how Anakin doesn't have a father...
    863b9dc2 8ffe 415d b7f3 32686b49140a
    She claims she was just pregnant with him one day, like the Virgin Mary. That's right, Darth Vader is Jesus Christ!
  37. Or maaaaybe she just lied to this stranger who's putting her son in danger.
    6d6b2a6c 6d3a 4a7c b60b a6b16d703b13
    Regardless, Qui-Gon believes he just found the Messiah. He's the only one who thinks so and will be the sole reason for Anakin being trained as a Jedi. Good job Qui-Gon, you doomed them all!
  38. We interrupt this movie for a very long pod-race.
    C2b5f3ab 2096 482b 8d16 b6eb2dcb253d
    Anakin has built this himself on a slave's salary. I guess White slaves do ok for themselves on this planet? Not ok! Am I halfway through the movie yet? No!?!?
  39. Jar Jar is still useless!
    74f395dc 2272 44c0 8d44 303873ce8dec
    There's not a single scene where he's not messing up something. Why is he helping on the pod? He didn't know what pod-racing was 12 hours ago and now he's being allowed to help build the car? I don't think these people are too bright.
  40. Darth Maul is here!
    7e42ceec 60b7 4c98 bc5f 0ad41dd98d37
    Finally some action! Except he's just going to wait until his robots find the shiny ship? He knows what it looks like! He's right next to the city! How did he not see it during his descent?! Looks like we have to wait for that action.
  41. Qui-Gon makes an important bet with Watto.
    18194e1b ba30 422c b23d 881cf821acbc
    He bets the pod-racer for both Anakin and his mother. Watto says the car isn't worth two slaves, so Qui-Gon settles for Anakin alone. Let's remember that!
  42. Stop it!
    439ed42c 9891 4478 8563 6102483c0e81
    You're telling him to be careful in a deadly race YOU let him participate in! If he dies, it's on your hands.
  43. No one sees this?!
    C370535a 5dca 4c3c bd8b a8ffdf80f1b7
    In a stadium filled with hundreds of thousands of people/aliens. Anakin is also five feet away from this. No one is going to react?! Ok, I guess I'll have to buy that too.
  44. Behind every great hut is an ever greater hut.
    20d91c30 e96e 49a4 9741 3714b49285b6
    Appearance made to remind you that you're actually watching Star Wars.
  45. Hey Warwick Davis!
    6bf3834a 3fcc 454d a479 69020abe128d
  46. This camera doesn't exist!
    5aef9f99 8890 44bf b109 6b3eb94d6498
    There's no way you have a droid being able to follow this high speed chase! It's also a race out amongst a desert where there's nothing but sand and rocks. No high tech camera facility.
  47. Pod-racing isn't as popular as you might think?
    50e4d32b 6aac 42b8 874b c4acdb4c1424
    Or maybe watching a race live doesn't have the same appeal in a galaxy far far away.
  48. Qui-Gon might be making a move on Anakin's mother.
    A78ccf7b 4137 4818 8bf6 cc4e08d2c89a
    A little hand on her shoulder. Oh what's that? A little sexual tension? At least he's not *forcing* himself on her too hard... That's a terrible joke and I apologize.
  49. Is that baby Greedo?
    3a60bf10 c140 4f09 902a 8d61de8e749b
    It's not, but if it was... Han Solo shot first.
  50. The piece falls off at a very convenient time!
    95876319 7da8 4321 96e8 60d6cc46d255
    I guess I just have to accept that too. He still wins though, no worries.
  51. Anakin is free!
    8e096f34 1514 4bbb a43b 564df725005f
    Great news! Qui-Gon has the parts he needs and he will teach Anakin to be a Jedi. He also has the pod though. In fact, Anakin sells it and gives the money to his mom. WHY ON EARTH DOESN'T QUI-GON USE THE POD TO FREE ANAKIN'S MOTHER?! Watto says no pod is worth two slaves, but it would only be traded for one as Anakin already won his freedom. Not having his mother around will slowly cause Anakin to go to the dark side. So Darth Vader actually came to be because Qui-Gon sucks at gambling! Ugh!
  52. Sexual tension round 2?
    7b2b01ca 35de 4c2c 9ea8 7b3084a2a913
    Now you're just getting clingy Mr. White-Jesus-looking-Jedi.
  53. This goodbye didn't need to happen!
    E3cc0c2e a0a3 482c acaa c398e2d08f2c
    She's now just a wealthy slave on Tatooine. What good does that do? But this is past the halfway mark, YAY!!!!
  54. Darth Maul figures out where the Jedi are right before they leave.
    A35ad2b3 18af 4f36 9381 e93a13818756
    Never mind the fact that Qui-Gon has been at the center of the most prolific pod-race the city has seen in a while. No no. It's when the Jedi go back to their shiny ship that the robots spot them.
  55. The fight is over in 2 seconds.
    1c2d2860 c5e4 48c8 a60d 82e404d892f4
    Technically it's Darth Maul's fault. If he hadn't wasted all that time waiting for his bots to come back he probably would have found them earlier.
  56. Gotham planet by day!
    22c1ad0a 1aee 459b a7d6 f7abcc4b10b0
    We know this is where the Emperor is because of the scene with Darth Maul from earlier.
  57. Oh, who's the first person we see there?
    8048d89e cce3 4210 9632 708475e0bd3c
    Oh hey there Emperor. Shhhh, it's a secret. Is he trying to do a smolder?
  58. The Jedi council is on this planet!!!
    83478b19 4597 42e9 8af8 0f4e18625c13
    So the most powerful Jedi in the universe are gathered in one place and none of them have figured out there's a powerful Sith walking around? These guys are terrible.
  59. They're always in a hurry, and yet...
    44fc315e 0839 439d 971b 00e2cea594f3
    They have probably talked about how short on time they are around 50 times. So how do they squeeze in time to do the Queens hair all the damn time?
  60. This is the senate?!
    Ae2aa255 b86e 4a6b 96f5 4e8a746de908
    How do they get anything done? I'm slightly expecting them to do a pod-like race with these. Alas, that might be a thing for a sequel.
  61. This is obviously Padme/Natalie Portman!
    0b862787 57f6 4497 ae7d 17b438b5b73f
    So the surprise that Padme is undercover is actually ruined? Did they expect us not to notice?
  62. Rush hour on Gotham planet.
    A0d85883 ba8a 4b0d b80b 43774b3624c6
    I actually have to give them credit. They have flying cars and it's not total anarchy. Though doesn't being stuck in traffic go against some of the appeal with flying cars?
  63. The council is mean to Anakin.
    D1cf3fde 5e72 48cb 9308 fea6208053c7
    Just because he's a little older he can't become a Jedi? It seems you have to be a baby, which suggest that Jedi have to be brainwashed from birth. Great! They talk about how he misses his mother and no one mentions HOW SHE COULD BE HERE WITH HIM BECAUSE THEY HAD THE MONEY TO SET HER FREE!!!!! Ugh, that's it, I'm rooting for the Siths.
  64. I don't understand her hair.
    0eb5bb60 3164 40ef 91cb 046fd887a522
    Is she wearing a wig all the time? I'm legitimately asking.
  65. Qui-Gon acts like a baby.
    C942ea93 b4c3 41f1 9da5 be4774f4dbfb
    The council rejects Anakin because he's too old and sense darkness in his heart. Qui-Gon: But I reeaally wanna traaain him. Yoda: No, we talked about this. Qui-Gon: But I waannnaaa. Yoda: Fine, whatever. And that ladies and gentlemen, is how Darth Vader was born.
  66. They're back on Nabu (Padme and Jar Jar's home).
    406b70d6 2bf2 4ff8 b191 bdbe7a1b135a
    Jar Jar's people where chased out of their hidden city in the ocean (by droids who would probably short circuit if they're even too close to water). So now they're in a hidden city in the forest, which I have a hunch the droids could find very easily as well. Ok, moving on.
  67. Padme reveals herself!
    Bbe3a5ab e127 4c16 9eb6 6839e5c3b684
    Which would be super surprising to us if we hadn't already seen her talk in the Senate. Two supposedly great Jedi have been with her for a long time and they didn't sense anything about her? I'm starting to doubt they can sense anything but peculiar smells.
  68. Creepy boy realized he has been flirting with a queen.
    E17b3769 ec40 401d 9ae6 27fc4545945c
    Inner monologue: score!
  69. They have a hidden army?
    0f1f708b 4f72 407d 8bed 72442ce5d036
    Look past the great plains with neatly cut grass. They have an army this big and no one found them?! The droids must really suck at searching.
  70. Why do you bring a child to war?
    9b0243e3 3c81 4a31 a6f6 a94349decd52
    Shouldn't he have gone through some sort of Jedi initiation or basic training before going into battle? No? Uhm, ok! This logic does, however, match everything else Qui-Gon has done in this story.
  71. Why is Jar Jar promoted to general?
    6f677687 21ee 487f bd88 81cd875857ca
    Let's review. He was cast out of the hidden city for being clumsy. He has been nothing but a pain and nuisance. He's not even a soldier. But he gets to control an army because he introduced his people's leader to Padme? This is very poor leadership and I wouldn't be surprised if they all die as a result.
  72. Those horns!
    4daa3d4d 2e7b 45be 96db 496b3817d02e
    I don't know what it's supposed to be, but it looks like some kind of clay. That's probably what it is actually. Maybe it's Halloween and Darth Maul is going as horny.
  73. Two against one is unfair.
    Ad2a34c6 546a 4182 a941 c01412f26729
    And with the amount of training these guys have it should be unnecessary. Go Team Sith!
  74. Anakin joins the fight in space.
    1698b214 28b8 47ea a462 94cd7d8262aa
    1) Qui-Gon told him to stay in the cockpit, and he did. Fine. 2) Because Anakin built a pod-racer he can also fly this? What is that?! 3) Those goggles are meant to keep sand and wind out of your eyes and have absolutely no business being in this scene.
  75. Anakin's autopilot doesn't make any sense.
    D659e917 4218 4ecf 8b7e cd1b4d791049
    It takes him directly to the fight. How? There are other fighters going here, but there's no main control center to direct the ships. No one plotted in the coordinates for this particular spaceship. There are also several identical spaceships all around the planet, but the autopilot conveniently find the HQ right away. Not buying it, sorry not sorry.
  76. How are no one freaking out about being on this ledge?
    D7e76096 7e11 42b8 a4e8 bcfdc28633a4
    Nerves of steel if you ask me. Looks cool though!
  77. They have guns with grappling hooks because why?
    D5e2fbf8 4b10 44c7 9de3 46d0cb629b47
    Because they apparently watched Batman and thought "Hey that looks nifty, let's put that on our standard issued guns." Good thing too because it was very convenient here.
  78. This room makes sense for a spaceship, but not for a castle on the ground.
    6c4841af 3825 4d1b a7b2 af70ebf1c4cf
    Very curious as to what purpose this room has, if any.
  79. These doors serve no purpose!
    46bfefb6 dd42 4520 9006 b24f3f51873c
    The only thing they do is separate the Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Datth Maul. There is NO WAY big laser doors that open and close randomly does anything helpful. I guess they just needed a convenient device to kill Qui-Gon.
  80. Jar Jar releases marbles of death.
    C58b81b0 24cb 454a b499 c662e85b3c5d
    Merchandise? Does anyone play with marbles anymore? PS: this attack was slightly successful but also an accident. Jar Jar was trying to run away.
  81. Droid army defeated by General Comic Relief.
    Ecb9c96d ca15 4fb8 928f 524269b723bb
    This tank is tilted to the side by one guy hanging on the turret? How has this army not been blown away by a gust of wind yet?
  82. The queen walks into an obvious trap.
    26707061 ae8e 4b24 9c95 45238e89b012
    Because she is actually tricking the bad guys, but that should also be fairly obvious. How did the villains not understand that if it seems too easy it might be a trap? Very few people are skilled at warfare in this movie. Also, the droids are missing their shields so why don't the soldiers just attack them when they're rolling over?
  83. Anakin flies into the spaceship HQ with NO ONE STOPPING HIM!!!!
    D1935741 8202 4e34 b9f9 af0d3c31966c
    How? He just flies in. No one even attempts to shoot him. What the hell? These guys deserve to be defeated.
  84. I know you're watching your master die...
    33ca20d2 c1e3 4ef0 9e24 dacf7597be07
    But I can't stop looking at your 90s boy band haircut. Trying to give the rattail a comeback?
  85. Anakin takes out HQ with a single shot.
    55a4ec3b 2fcf 4a60 8daa 0e85bbedaa55
    Why is it that taking out this single thing destroys a whole ship? How is this not guarded better? There are tons of energy shields around, but none here?!
  86. Explosions in space
    75d3d58f 0c7c 4221 994e c24bc58c8816
    No! This is all a chain reaction from Anakin's one lucky shot... Ok, I'm tired of this now.
  87. Taking out the mothership kills all the droids.
    4f6a81a2 b045 42d1 85fa 839cc8e64e87
    These droids really do suck.
  88. This looks pretty bleak.
    23511f30 2a34 4d28 91a0 0fe6d54ee262
    For some reason Darth Maul is just taunting him while Obi-Wan is dangling here. Why isn't Darth Maul finishing the job?
  89. Oooooh, that makes sense... Not!
    3340735b 439c 40b8 a487 10b46a4fc2f9
    First, anyone who knows Star Wars knows that Obi-Wan survives this battle. So there's no real excitement. Second, Darth Maul lets Obi-Wan jump over him and summon Qui-Gon's lightsaber before (barely) reacting? What happened to his lighting fast reflexes?
  90. I wish I knew how to quit you scene.
    2e533c93 74cd 4f2e 8e57 70fc88133a7a
    Or something like that. Dying wish is that Anakin becomes a Jedi. Again, you doomed them all Qui-Gon!
  91. New hairstyle?
    55b276da 608b 4171 a3fb 9c756e82c2ec
    Seriously, make up your mind!
  92. Obi-Wan goes back to Gotham planet.
    34728264 4f7b 423c bb9c 271fd5cedc55
    But why? Yoda is about to come to Nabu. You could have just waited. Obi-Wan takes Anakin as his apprentice even though he just graduated himself. Not the greatest decision from Yoda. Was it just because it was Qui-Gon's dying wish? Is that the type of emotional decision that Jedi shouldn't make?
  93. They all rush back to Nabu for Qui-Gon's funeral.
    3df7acc7 5fbc 4211 ac0b 4d79f1553d6e
    I think Obi-Wan could have emailed Yoda all the stuff from the previous scene and it would have been fine.
  94. Final nod to who the Emperor is.
    C6859328 0563 4e7b a5d4 0f32af3d1443
  95. Ceremony time!
    0b743f0a 6ddd 4d67 9fed e2e23b0b953b
    Why not end it like the first Star Wars movie so you think you just watched something you loved.
  96. Jedi-in-training-with-mandatory-rattail-haircut.
    6b6c884d c38c 46b0 9c3b f441fafeed1c
  97. Peace marbel!
    D9acdb14 604d 49cd 8fb3 bf4280351f69
    Who cares if these people make their peace? It has already been established that they're fine! We see them for like 10% of the movie too.
  98. Actually, this is the end.
    6c1bd9f9 5b9e 48f8 9cec 0ca5e14ba311
    One final creepy look from a young women to a boy who is half her age. Ew.
  99. Aftermath
    Ddef3b25 d1e2 4a5d b5b9 84b7f8710a7b
    It was by no means good, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I'm actually glad I re-watched it because I missed so much the first time around. Like Darth Vader being Jesus Christ. Will I ever watch it again? Probably not.