MY AUNT'S CHRISTMAS CARD IS BOTH A LITTLE TOO 💯 AND TERRIFYING

She gave me some money and some hard hitting truths. I cannot make this up.
  1. This is a verbatim translation:
  2. Best wishes for a good and peaceful Christmas, and a happy New Year
  3. With hopes that terrorists and sick people don't strike in your area
  4. And that the environment doesn't create as much trouble in California as it has in the last few years
  5. And I hope you don't have any serious earthquakes
  6. There are more and more of them
  7. There's even been a few of them in Norway this past year
  8. I think digging for oil and natural gas is to blame
  9. I don't understand your fascination for living in LA and USA
  10. Because I feel like we have it better in Norway
  11. In every way
  12. Even with our rise in unemployment
  13. Take care of yourself and make good decisions
  14. And stay away from all kinds of drugs
  15. Which are flourishing in your line of work
  16. I'm assuming that money is still the best Christmas gift for you
  17. Since you have a student loan to pay down
  18. Regards [My aunt]
  19. ---
  20. This is actually the sweetest letter she has ever written me
  21. Yay family!
  22. Happy holidays to you all!
  23. Love, Peter