I know it's a little late, but needed to be written out. If you're tired of these lists after one week, imagine how people affected by racism feel every day of their life. PS: I will probably change the title of this shortly.
  1. I'm not doing this list.
    Part of me wanted to share all the things I've said that I have later realized is racist. Some small stuff, other really not even close to being ok. At first, I thought it would be interesting and sort of educational. I'm not proud of having said these things in any way, and the last week on TLA made me want to apologize.
  2. Why?
  3. I don't get to.
    I have not earned the right to say these things to begin with, so I certainly don't have any claims to repeating them. Even if it's for a "good cause" it just wouldn't be right. There have been so many good lists on the subject from poc and they speak volumes more than I ever could.
  4. My future son(s) and daughter(s) will not repeat my mistakes.
    Nor those of my parents or my grandparents. They will not read something I wrote in my 20s and think it's ok for them to say something because I put it in writing. Instead I want them to listen to those who suffer and find a way to help. Special note if you actually are my future children: 1. Respect your mother, always! 2. Find a way to enjoy educating yourself. 3. Yay, The List App is still alive.
  5. I have already apologized to the people it affected.
    They know what was said and most called me out on it. I have said I'm sorry. I was either ignorant or arrogant, which are two traits I hate in people. In the case I have not apologized properly, knowing full and well that I may have forgotten certain events or never realized they happened due to both my ignorance and arrogance, I do so now. I am deeply deeply sorry. That does nothing to justify my behavior, but know that I am trying to be better every day.
  6. This has to stop at some point.
    I used to have the opinion that freedom of speech meant you could say anything, but I didn't stop to think whether I should. There was even a time in college when I believed you can say anything as long as it's in an academical discussion. To some degree I still believe that, but by no means do I consider my lists as academic writing or discussion. We really need to stop and listen (as so many other people have said earlier), so we can start respecting each other enough to move forward.
  7. Final note to fellow white people
    I know it may be hard to constantly check your own privilege, but it's worth it in the long run. It may be tough to not get defensive when people are offended, especially when you feel like you've done nothing wrong, but please find yourself humble enough to stop and learn. We may even end up on the right track for once.