STAGES OF JOINING A GYM (AGAIN)

I've moved a lot of the past 10 years and I've been through a lot of different gyms. Weirdly enough it's the same process every time.
  1. 1.
    You walk in hoping it's going to be a quick visit
    It won't be
  2. 2.
    People calling you dude/bro/brotha/bruh
    And you vomit a little bit every time. Also makes me wonder what women are called when signing up. Please let me know.
  3. 3.
    The grand tour you don't really need because the gym isn't that big
    Oh THIS is the weight room!! Silly me, I thought it was a petting zoo.
  4. 4.
    Trying to set you up with a personal trainer
    You decline. "I don't need it, I've done it before"
  5. 5.
    "Sure you don't want a training session? You haven't reached your goal yet bruh!"
    I haven't even started! YOU WON'T LET ME LEAVE!
  6. 6.
    They book a pt session for you anyways
    I don't show up anymore. When I did they would set up the worst schedules for me, and show me how to lift weights while giving encouragements like "you're strong as a bull!"... I can't!
  7. 7.
    They ask about your diet
    I eat what I want and it's none of your business.
  8. 8.
    They try to make you work out right away as if you'll never come back unless you do
    Him: Come on bro! Me: Nah, didn't bring my stuff. Him: Well, if I don't see you soon, I'll come hunt you down. Me: Ha ha ha HA HA HA HA *laughter turns into tears*
  9. 9.
    Leave gym after what seems like an eternity
  10. 10.
    Instantly regret joining gym