parents came to Austin, which is a first. we went out to eat but had a two hour wait at a restaurant that didn't take reservations so, we walked around whole foods for a bit then went back (I was staunchly opposed to cooking but lesson learned, these people need to be kept indoors). here are the things that ensued.
  1. "awww someone just left their dog out here? quick, Katie, take him"
    Ruth loves animals to the point of thievery.
  2. "do you think jones (my dog) wants a stuffed elephant? a portion of the proceeds goes to help kids! or these are made by kids? what's the deal with this elephant?"
    apparently, it was cheaper than the dog toy they got jones that she ripped the face off of in three minutes
  3. "well, wouldya look at all the spices? do you think a lot of oriental people shop here?"
    "ASIAN. asian people. rugs are oriental, not people. I feel like we've gone over this. also, what?! I don't see how that follows." "oops! I forgot. did anyone hear me?" it's a thing Ruth says. we have discussed it and she forgets.
  4. "do you think we should chase him down? you could date him! he looked like a nice young man and he hates the same music you do! you'd have something to talk about!"
    after some guy who was working said loudly, I hate this fucking song and I made eye contact with him and laughed. only instance of single shaming, thankfully.
  5. (whisper yelling) "WHY WOULD SOMEONE DOOOO THAT? a lot of people do that here?!?? but WHY? you're joking. they do that on purpose????!"
    in response to the checker who had her septum pierced. both parents gagged, visibly.
  6. "oh, KATHARINE, NO! not your perfect skin!"
    after the septum piercing outrage, I started trying to horrify them with things I wanted to do to my body, which is a quarter sleeve.
  7. *****then our table was ready. the majority of this was said to that poor server*****
  8. "happy thanksgiving! and, ya know what, happy Halloween! and merry Christmas! let's get em all out!"
    dad jokes
  9. "what's this beer I just had? yeah, that. (pause) wait, tell me your beers (pause to hear beers/think) and how's this drink with the gin? (pause to hear about drink) no, I don't want that.. do you have.. no, never mind. (long pause) oh no, I don't need a minute, yeah, a water but also maybe a bloody ma.. (pause) no, just beer so, the one I had"
    painful for everyone. Bill might have been drunk after drinking and walking around whole foods.
  10. "THE LAST BEER IN THE KEG?! is there another keg? what about the beer? do we have to pay for it? what if this keg isn't any good?!"
    dad jokes part 2/some seriousness, I'm afraid.
  11. "tell me, why would I want to eat kale? do I WANT to eat dirt?"
    Bill hates kale.
  12. "ONLY kale?! no other side? can I get another side?! ..good lord, only kale.."
    "you can probably substitute potatoes. or get potatoes too. I'll eat the kale." Bill really hates kale.
  13. "ARE YOU REALLY GETTING A TATTOO SLEEVE?! your perfect, perfect skin. I made that skin, I think I should have some say!"
    Ruth is not on board with tattoos.
  14. *****1.5 days left with these animals*****
    it's good to see them, I love them, and could have gone a lot worse than it did. still mortified about the casual racism. I'm eternally grateful for everyone, whether I encountered them or not, who worked yesterday. and I'm sorry.