Condensed summaries of some of the weirdest dreams I've ever had

  1. I gave birth to a kosher hot dog from Ikea. I asked my elated mother, "Can I eat it?" Her response, "honey, no! You can't eat what comes out of your uterus."
  2. Me and the creepy ass Burger King King were riding together on a small Vespa down quiet road which serpentined through a lush coniferous forest, while Simon and Garfunkel's "Sound of Silence" provided the soundtrack. What I thought was a pothole ended up being a baby bear. Its mother chased us. Imagine the struggle.
  3. I'm in the back of a truck, hauling out skids of produce, when a tornado grabs the trailer and drops it in the middle of a cornfield somewhere in Iowa. I phone my boss to tell her what happened and she writes me up for leaving work early.
  4. I have a massive cage full of Guinea pigs hidden in a closet that I completely forgot I owned and most are skin and bones. I open the cage to feed them and they dissipate into ashes.
  5. Despite my college degree and my many years of labor in the work force, I find out I have to go back to high school to redo my senior year. I can't remember my class schedule, so I'm too embarrassed to ask for another one, so I just sit in classrooms. I keep skipping the math and science classes to hang out in the band room.
    This is a recurring dream. Sometimes I'm naked in the dream and I'm the only one aware of my own nakedness.