(An Unapologetic List of Scenarios That Make My Brain Itch...)
  1. Crying about "spoiler alerts" on social media:
    How about not signing on to popular websites utilized by hundreds of millions of users UNTIL you find out that X kills Z? You don't need to go on a savage rage rant because you found out a plot line before you were ready. A fictional character dies and YOUR LIFE DOESN'T CHANGE. However, telling your lifelong friend that she's a shit-waffle for eeking out information that's not actually relevant to the real world CAN change your life. Stop crying and go into Time-Out.
  2. Being offended of people being offended and then acting morally superior to The Offended like you don't ever get offended:
    Hey "NOTHING OFFENDS ME YOU BUNCH OF -" Guy... , if I insulted your kid, your mother, or your damn dog, you'd be running after me, expletives dripping from your face and intermingling with your tears. We're all offended by SOMETHING. So stop saying racist shit and try to be a better human.
  3. Acting morally superior over word usage:
    I see it all the time. "EWWWW STOP SAYING 'BAE' IT MEANS POOOP IN SOME LANGUAGE I SAW IN A MEME." Language changes. It evolves. It degenerates. Clever and not-so-clever slang words rise from the ashes of antiquated expressions, current events, and social upheaval ALL THE DAMN TIME. It's the entire history of linguistical expression, yo. So, unless you speak Her Royal Majesty's English circa 1553, you're not perfect either. #linguisticsisbae
  4. Adding cutesy spelling to names to make your kid extra super special:
    Alternate spellings make for special snowflakery. Merreigh (Mary). Baleigh (Bailey). Emileigh (Emily). Please gag meigh. I can't explain the brain itch on this one. #neightothebae #orisitbeigh #amibeingmorallysuperioroverwordusage?