How I Wind Down After a Day When Nothing Goes Right and Humans Are Awful

My day at work was terrible today. Here's how I get the lambs to stop screaming:
  1. Pants.... Bra.... Be gone!
  2. Snuggle into my husband's side of the bed (he's still at work) and hunker down in the bedroom.
    And listen to the fans in our bedroom while staring at the wall. I don't think about anything in particular. For whatever reason, this brings my heart rate down.
  3. Graciously accept head bumps from a resident feline...
  4. ... And rub its belly
    It is said that the soft underbelly of a feline is made of the same stuff as the down of baby angel wings and can cure anything from post-work depression to hemorrhoids. Adopt a miracle today.
  5. Then write in my for reals journal about my emotions...
    Or eat some cookies, if the cookies are closer to me than the journal. Most of the time, it's cookie consumption. Or Nutella straight from the jar. I don't know where my journal is.
  6. Yoga!
    ...or bending over to pick up the cookie I dropped. That's kinda like yoga.
  7. Hello, Kimmy Schmidt binge...
    ...and the 87,000th viewing of the Peeno Noir episode.
  8. Cry
    For realsingtons. Because life is sad.
  9. Ugly cry
    Quickly, while the husband is still at work
  10. Take a shower...
    To finish the ugly cry, because the husband is at home. Unfortunately, cookies get soggy in the shower.
  11. Apply 90s fragrances from Bath and Body Works all over my 33 year old body...
    Because it conjures up my inner 17 year old who can see the world around her and say 'fuuuuuuuuck that' and smell like Country Apple in the process.
  12. Back to bed, all cried out and smelling fantastic!
    We feel like a human again and we carry on, rejoicing:)