CHEDDAR CHAIRLIE: OR, THE TRUE ACCOUNT OF THE MOST BEAUTIFULLY UGLY CHAIR ON EARTH

  1. As the only individual in any of my friend groups who is staying at university over the summer, it was my societal duty to help people who needed to store stuff until the fall
  2. So when @miathurber asked if I could hang on to a big chair for her, of course I said yes
  3. I also don't have any furniture of my own so I really wanted it.
  4. (Chairs are great.)
  5. But I couldn't let @miathurber know how desperate I was.
  6. Now in the meantime, @squad and I had been growing ever closer.
  7. This is because I am the future fifth member of @squad.
  8. @hannah_rachel even requested a list describing my plan to "infiltrate" @squad.
  9. I deleted the request.
  10. I'll never tell my secrets.
  11. Never.
  12. Anyways, maybe beside this one time. You see I felt that if I had a nickname I was allowed to call one of the squad-members, then I would have an inside connection.
  13. It would be even better if I was the only one allowed to use it.
  14. But I needed leverage.
  15. Then I realized—I had it! I didn't have @miathurber's chair yet, and I could just refuse to accept it unless she let me give her an exclusive nickname.
  16. To ensure that both parties kept up their end of the deal, I drew up a contract.
  17. It was beautiful, and I tied it with tape because I didn't have ribbon.
  18. We signed the contract as regular business people.
  19. (Everything is better hen you wear a suit.)
  20. @miathurber (now Merely, but only to me) kept the contract until we transferred possession of the chair for the summer.
  21. We drove it down in Komielle and I say in the chair the whole way. It was amazing and felt freeing and as if I was in a gun turret on the millennium falcon or something.
  22. We brought the chair to my room, where my roommates immediately commandeered it as the best chair in the room.
  23. Then I realized the chair needed a name. We said we would think about it.
  24. Finally, it struck me: Chairlie.
  25. Chairlie had too be part of it, but it was too short.
  26. We had this conversation:
  27. And so Cheddar Chairlie became official, embracing the cheesiness inherent in both the name and the color of the chair.
  28. And a beautiful color it is, too.
  29. Cheddar Chairlie is gorgeous.
  30. Cheddar Chairlie is life.
  31. Cheddar Chairlie is the most ghastly piece of furniture I've seen in my life and it's wonderful.
  32. Also, I realized my chamois blanket matches perfectly
  33. Actually, it's just the tiniest bit off, so it makes you want to throw up a little, but it's amazing.
  34. And that's the whole story.
  35. The end.