ON BECOMING A MEGHAN TRAINOR FAN

  1. So today I found out I like Meghan Trainor.
  2. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I SWEAR.
  3. I, of all people, should not be.
  4. Until today, the only artists I had actually admitted to liking were all baroque, classical, or romantic composers.
    Also Elvis and Queen. But they're classics.
  5. I have always despised, and still do, the kind of people I assume Meghan Trainor fans to be.
  6. But now I have conflicted feelings.
  7. BECAUSE HER SONGS ARE SO GOOD!
  8. THE TUNES ARE CATCHY
  9. THE LYRICS ARE ARTISTIC, SOCIALLY RELEVANT, CLEVER, AND MEANINGFUL
  10. THE VIDEOS ARE WELL DONE
  11. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT
  12. AND YET SHE AND HER SONGS ARE SOMEHOW RIDICULOUS
  13. I am the last person who ought ever to become a Meghan Trainor fan.
  14. An orchestral member
  15. I am a scholar
  16. An intellectual
  17. A student of politics
  18. A well-traveled global citizen
  19. A fashionable adult man
    Well, I try. I may not have mastered either of these yet.
  20. A well-read, well-rounded polyglot of good taste
  21. I HAVE A HIGHLY CURATED IMAGE OF MYSELF HERE
  22. AND YET I LIKE MEGHAN TRAINOR
  23. I CAN'T ALLOW THIS
  24. BUT I ALSO CAN'T REJECT PART OF WHO I AM
  25. My friends have literally told me, and I quote, "Meghan Trainor's great and all, but you can't actually *like* her", "I'm reconsidering [my friendship with] you now. This casts you in a whole new light", and "NOPE."
  26. WHAT DO I DO
  27. I CAN'T DEAL WITH MYSELF