WHY @HANNAH_RACHEL AND I CAN'T BE FRIENDS

Let me count the ways
  1. She's an ed major
    I was homeschooled
  2. She mocked The Zebras by Roy Campbell
    One of the most beautiful poems of all time
  3. She cheers for the Red Sox
    This is maybe understandable? Not her fault she's from the wrong state (go Yankees!)
  4. She doesn't like Shakespeare enough
    I BLAME @AliciaNF26
  5. She doesn't care about soccer
    But thinks she's cultured? Inexcusable
  6. She doesn't care for Sherlock Holmes
    Arthur Conan Doyle is a MASTER of mystery and she DOESN'T CARE
  7. She thinks Harry Potter is better than Lord of the rings
    OVJECTIVELY FALSE
  8. SHE WON'T EVEN *LISTEN* TO HAMILTON
    You disgust me