Things My Dad Does That Your Dad Probably Does Too

  1. Wears white new balance sneakers
  2. Gets his coffee from a deli, and prefers to use this type of lid
  3. Drums on the steering wheel/dashboard, especially to Phil Collins
  4. Occasionally rocks a Canadian tuxedo
    (Jeans with a denim jacket. Useful for yard work, but not allowed out of the house while wearing it)
  5. Fibs about what time he woke up
    No idea why, but he will always claim he woke up 15-30 minutes earlier than he did. It's ok though, dad.
  6. Will explain directions in a long winded story, when you don't need directions
    "Oh you're getting Mexican food tonight? Where at? ... Oh I've never had that. Well, you know where there's also great Mexican food? There's a place in Mineola.. You take old country road to the Meadowbrook parkway, get off at exit 19, and go 2... No, 3 traffic lights, bang a left, and it's right there. Forget the name of it, but it's right there. You should go sometime."
  7. Just wants socks and underwear for Christmas.. Every year
  8. Consistently mispronounces celebrity names and refuses to say it correctly
    "The Bills play the Steelers this week. I hope our D-Line can get to Ben Rostenberg"
  9. Answers calls from unknown numbers by saying his first and last name, instead of just "hello" like a normal person
  10. Yells "That's a travel!" at least ten times while watching any NBA game
  11. Can parallel park, grill, build a fire, tie a double windsor, drink a Dewars & Water™, and do a backflip off a diving board better than any other guy I know. Not necessarily in that order.
  12. Will strike up a conversation with literally anybody at any time
    The invention of EZ Pass was a game changer because he loved talking to toll booth workers
  13. Busts his ass every day to support his family and has never once complained about it
    It's ok if he repeats the same corny dad jokes all the time.