FAVORITE IMAGINED CELEBRITY CORRESPONDENCES ABOUT THE OSCARS
- •10. The wind chimes from the front porch billow out an ominous song as Bradley opens up his iPhone and texts Clint, "I told you we should've waited on a real baby". He sighs and continues his game of Boggle.
- •9. Jessica walks up to Julianne in the ladies room of the Vanity Fair party. JESSICA: "I just wanted to say that as another red head 'Still Alice' meant a lot to me." Julianne looks as though she'd seen a ghost. JULIANNE: "I thought I ate you in the womb."
- •8. Meryl sips her Oprah chai and stretches as Krasinski kisses her and reads her emails. KRASINSKI: " OMG. It's from Emily... MERYL: "What does it say?" KRASINSKI: "It just says, 'I know'." Meryl drops her Oprah chai to the floor.
- •7. Reese is shopping at Saks when out of the corner of her eye she spots a strange brunette with immaculate teeth hidden between two mannequins. ANNE: "Hi, Reese!!!" REESE: "Anne. Scared me there." ANNE: "If you need any advice about the Oscars lemme know!"........Reese runs.
- •6. Meryl walks over to Oprah on the red carpet. Meryl: "Shall we?" MOMENTS LATER. Oprah packs a fat blunt backstage. Meryl takes a hit. OPRAH: "And the Oscar for biggest hit goes to..." MERYL: (Laughing) "Stop!"
- •5. Eddie sees Michael at the Coffee Bean. Fuck. He's gotta say something. EDDIE: "I loved you in Beetlejuice!" MICHAEL: "Aw thanks! Terrific work in 'Still Alice'!"
- •4. Ava and Reese compliment one another as an old white Academy member walks past them and snickers... REESE: "Fuck it. Should we?" AVA: "Let's get it sugar." They whip out their tasers and follow him.
- •3. Patricia and Dern hug each other and roll around on a giant oriental rug. DERN: "You're the best supporting momma!" PATRICIA: "No! you're the best supporting momma!" They never stop. Ever.
- •2. McConaughey sips a cold one and pats Linklater's leg, "When you're up there you gotta breath that air, man. Feel that feel, dude. Walk that walk and then tell 'em about it. You were a baby bird and now you're the eagle flying high. Rocky Mountain High. Ridgemont High. I'm high...Yup. I'm high."
- •1. The phone rings. Marion slowly reaches over and picks it up. She looks terrified. MARION: "Bonjour?Bonjour?....Jennifer?" The other line goes dead.