MERYL STREEP PERFORMANCES, RANKED
As Head Professor for The Streep Institute of Divinity at The University of Faggét (online accreditation only), it's my privilege to present the official ranking of Meryl's greatest performances.
- •10. Meryl Cries In The Dark - Yes, honey. You didn't even know Australia was a continent before this movie. Meryl is serving you Australian accent goodness. She's giving you brunette bob 80's down under de jure. And she basically wrote an entire ep of Seinfeld with the line, "A Dingo Ate My Baby!"
- •9. August: Meryl County - The people demanded Meryl in an accent. She came through. They demanded a wig. She delivered. And when it comes to playing mean mommas, Meryl can do bad all by herself. Talk about a stomp fest. Meryl is squashing these bay bay kids left and right!
- •8. Iron Meryl - She won her third Oscar for her take on political sex vixen, Margaret Thatcher. Many have whispered, "but do you think she deserved it?" And that's when I smack the taste out their mouth. Meryl is giving young Marg/old Marg, English rose Marg, and "Still Margaret" mind capacity!
- •7. Silk Meryl - My fave Autobiographic Meryl, this shows Meryl taking on a mullet, and a Plutonium plant! Get it, girl! In between fighting for our rights/being regal as fuck she still manages to teach Cher how to act (which Cher thanks her for in her Oscar speech). Love feminist girl power Meryl.
- •6. Doubt, Meryl? Ha! - I have no doubt you love this Meryl as much as I do. That sexy black outfit, those haughty eyes, that knowing smile, detective/nun Meryl is the dopeness. Her only movie with my boy Phillip SH, these two eat scenery for brkfst! "You hungry, Meryl?" "Naw, just ate that scene."
- •5. Meryl vs. Meryl - Plot breakdown - Meryl's v fab and can't spend another day being boring. She kicks it. Later realizes she forgot something, and wants it back! It could happen to anyone but her boring, dumb arch-nemesis doesn't even care! Meryl decides to be the bigger person and sashays away.
- •4. Death Becomes Meryl - This is Prime A, freshly picked, blonde ambition, Meryl. She's giving Beverly Hills Cunty Kween Superficialiexpalidopeness! As Madeline, Meryl performs a full dance number, is killed, comes back to life (Omg), and serves biting dialogue, EX. "Could you just stop breathing?"
- •3. Adapting Meryl - Hopefully this is a refreshing Kaufmanesque twist to the list. 'Adaptation' gave Meryl's career a lift and showed that she still had the meat. But for me, that dial tone scene. She's serving lonely, drug-induced wonder with a refreshing eye. It's my fave Meryl reinvention.
- •2. Meryl Wears Prada - If you didn't realize this was making the cut then let me ask a question, "Why is no one ready??" Yes, hunty. Let freedom ring and let that bitch reign over everything. Meryl playing a protagonist who has to deal with an inept brunette assistant, who can't relate to that?!
- •1. Meryl's Choice - Accent? Check. Hair? Everything. Emotional availability? And then some. Dramatic sob-inducing climax? Let it rain. This is what Meryl is all about. Not all agree with her choice, but I just love that we live in a world where Meryl has a choice. In Meryl's name we pray. Amen.