Things I Have Consumed in My Lifetime

Figures accurate and arrived at via typical weekly consumption patterns
  1. 24,752 bottles of IPA (this only seems like a lot.)
  2. 4537 bottles of wine (we have three fucking kids, ok?)
  3. 150 bottles of bourbon (surprisingly low when you consider that I have to deal with agents/authors/producers every day.)
  4. 75 bottles of rum (all of them while on vacation in Jamaica!)
  5. 17,680 Advil (note to self: get liver scan during next checkup.)
  6. Several goldfish (long story.)
  7. NOTE: do not recommend attempting this LTD count. You will be shocked by your own numbers.