1. Smoke
  2. Visit the captain in the cockpit mid-flight
  3. Smoke
  4. Let your kid sit in the captain's lap and fly the plane
  5. Smoke. Seriously. They used to let people smoke in a closed environment and then had the audacity to offer up non-smoking rows as if the smoke knew not to travel two seats back. And this was not that long ago. Smoking on domestic flights was only fully banned in 2000, a mere 15 years ago.