THINGS MY DOG WOULD SAY TO ME IF SHE COULD TALK

  1. Don't eat that, I'll eat it waaaaay better.
  2. Why do you hide in that small room when you desecrate?
  3. If you make that bed one more time.... !!
  4. It's so weird how much you enjoy throwing a ball over and over again. I mean, i'll keep brining it back because i love you, but you look pretty ridiculous.
  5. Why do you get mad at me when i yell at the demons who ride on boards with wheels
  6. And why do you force me to allow those small humans to pat me. No. I don't like them. They don't function normally and their pats are inconsistent
  7. I like your nude colored underwear. I'll eat it to prove it to you
  8. The cat in the pet store is a dick
  9. When you ask me 'why are you eating the corner of the coffee table?' I don't understand. It's simple. The corner is obviously easier to chew
  10. I don't know what breed i am. My mother was a bitch and my father a tramp.
  11. What is that small inedible device that you pat your ear with?
  12. I would also like a drink. The christmas tree water will suffice
  13. You're large reflecting window baffles me. If i groom myself in it like you do, will it make more sence?