DOGS MY MOM HAS RUINED

Anxious Jewish Psychoanalyst + Adjacent Golf Course Chemicals = Space Aliens
  1. MOLLY
    My mom diagnosed Molly with pretty crippling OCD and a fear of doorways and thresholds, which is interesting because she was fine before we adopted her. She spent a lot of time sitting in the shower in the dark, facing the wall. Like, a LOT of time.
  2. QUINTA
    My Mom firmly believes Quinta "understands everything you're saying," and that they have a bond because the Vet said Quinta had puppies at some point and "mothers understand each other." She lets her out every five minutes and then let's her back in immediately because "she's too hot." She serves her ice water and liquid Advil for her hip that she squirts into her mouth . She came pre-named, but my mom said her "Portuguese friend" (housekeeper) told her it means either Fruit Farm or Thursday.
  3. MUFFIN
    Wonderfully dumb in the way that only deeply inbred Golden Retrievers can be. My mom actually did a pretty good job here, but probably because Muffin was too sleepy/hungry to absorb the Peggy. My mom snipped off a big clump of her hair before she was put down to remember her by, which is a thing I have told to a therapist.
  4. OLIVER
    That dog was crazy when he showed up. He attacked my mom so she brought him back to the shelter and then re-adopted him because she was guilty, and then he attacked me and so my dad had to "bring him to a farm" which turned out not to be a euphemism! He lived a long and happy life there, and the day my dad dropped him off he came home with Molly.
  5. ME
    Essentially