THINGS MY FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW HAS TAKEN ON AN AIRPLANE

  1. A real, registered cattle brand for my father
    How he has functioned as a Jewish Boston neurosurgeon without one is beyond me. TSA was baffled and she had to ship it. Note: my father LOVED THIS and used it to brand the Thanksgiving turkey.
  2. A gallon bag of churning sourdough starter
    She wanted us to try her yeast
  3. Bullets
    Recently. TSA was unhappy. She forgot she had them in her purse after "cleaning out her nightstand"
  4. A blowgun
    As in the kind you apparently use to hunt whatever can be killed with flying 6-inch needles. This was brought as a Thanksgiving gift for my parents to entertain the children
  5. A massive styrofoam cooler filled with homegrown vegetables
    She wanted us to try her tomatoes
  6. A knife
    Confiscated
  7. Seeds that had to be soaked in water IMMEDIATELY
    This may have been related to the yeast but we don't really know and can't ever
  8. Another knife
    Confiscated
  9. An advent wreath
  10. Absolutely nothing
    Sometimes she has to get here on short notice and buys one-way tickets with hours notice and boards with no bags because white people can do anything?
  11. A gallon bag of nuts and jams
    To make her schnecken the morning after Thanksgiving due to concerns over local availability of nuts/jams
  12. Custom nipple salve from a compounding pharmacy
    For my newly pregnant sister
  13. Tiny cowboy boots for my newborn niece
    See above
  14. A tiny metal nativity scene
  15. A queen sized air mattress
    With pump
  16. A boot jack
    This is a wooden brick that helps you take your cowboy boots off
  17. A dartboard with darts
    For thanksgiving entertainment the year after the blowgun. Actually this may have been shipped to us after the mishap with the cattle brand
  18. Update: tomatoes in a shopping bag