WHAT THE DISEASE NAMED AFTER ME WILL BE

Yeah, Nancy in Marketing has Peter Warren's Disease, we're gonna get her a card
  1. Unique destruction of the stomach lining that can only be caused by eating more than six hot wings every single day for more than six years
    Easily treated by drinking blue cheese dressing at all times
  2. Flattening of the buttocks due to taking two bubble baths a day
    "Soaker's Ass"
  3. A hairline that recedes all the way to the back of the head without ever really going bald
    The best friend from Togetherness is the face/scalp of the disease
  4. That Thing Where You Are A Little Congested Always
  5. An illness that can be cured with Chinese food but if left untreated is terminal in a matter of hours
  6. Lou Gehrig's Disease
    If I get this and become more famous than him will they rename it after me?
  7. Chronic fatigue syndrome
    This is where you talk all the time about buying a cool camo jacket at an army surplus store but never do it
  8. Certain types of farts
  9. Malformation of the vocal chords that makes you very good at singing but only in your car
    Easily treated with alcohol
  10. A rare form of Autism that makes you secretly kinda attracted to Iggy Azalea