1. not pregnant.
  2. it's cancer.
  3. doesn't do autographs.
  4. it's not that Santa isn't real, it's just Santa has the power to elect a spirit vessel to take on some of the workload and tonight he's chosen Neighbor Gustaf
  5. no not slave per se. more like willing soul I think. now go to bed.
  6. Jesus. I don't know what the application process is like, it's something you feel inside, I've been told. you have to be on the Good list for a number of years, okay. and speaking of, kiddo, you're about blow all of this year's hard work if you don't hightail it to sleep right now.
  7. whoa whoa whoa back up a sec-- you saw neighbor Gustaf doing What with Mommy??
  8. Alayna? Is this true? ...I will not say it one more time Peter get in your bedroom.
  9. You know what? You know what? Christmas comin early this year. What am I doing Alayna? Oh just unwrapping a gift "Santa" left early- oh look, a crossbow, how thoughtful. Was going to teach Petey here some aiming lessons so he could get a jump on the Scouts but, lucky boy, he's getting his first tutorial tonight. Come on Pete, up and at em!
  10. Hey Gustaf! Sorry, "Santa"! Heard you were filling my stockings a little early this season! Ha ha ha! Ho ho ho! Get back here you jingly-ass coward. I can hear your bellllls...
  11. Ooh Santa should have laid off the cookies this year! Trying to crawl under the porch huh? Is my shovel down there too huh? The one I lent you last year you sack of shit!
  12. Peter! Get out of the way! I have a perfect shot goddammit!
  13. You see, Peter, the spirit of Santa has left old Gustaf's body to enchant another soul because there is Nothing lively or quick about this motherfucker right here
  14. Why hello Mrs. Kruger. No no no, we were just playing a game, weren't we! It's an American tradition, pin the tail on the reindeer! Gustaf was more than happy to oblige. ...Sure, like "Krampus." Haha well. ...Guess we best be getting back home. You have a very merry one as well. Hey Gustaf-- I'll be making a list, and checking it twice!!
  15. It means that Mommy and Daddy are taking a break. That's right, Like Mr. and Mrs. Kruger. No, it doesn't mean Daddy will have to move to Germany.
  16. if you eat more than just a little chunk a day, it's bad for you.
  17. it's called List App.