THINGS MY MOM WANTS TO TALK ABOUT WHILE I'M HOME

I'm visiting my mom in Chicago. These are the things she's interested in talking about:
  1. 1.
    Caitlyn Jenner choosing a name that's too modern. "She should have gone with something like Nancy."
  2. 2.
    Her theory that I'd get major acting parts if I cut my hair. "You have a nice forehead."
  3. 3.
    The "healthy" banana shakes at Sonic. "Chunks of real banana!"
  4. 4.
    How my vocal delivery sounds like Scott Disick (from Keeping Up with the Kardashians).
  5. 5.
    How her and my father have been dealing with an infestation of over-sized ants. (I just saw one, they are strangely large and somehow on the second floor of the house).