There’s so many fucking amazing movies!!!! So many treasures yet to be discovered and so many still not ready for prime time viewing. I’ve made a few tough cuts but here’s a primer of awesome tapes that will help you live a more fulfilling life while keeping your VCR rolling.
  1. The Abomination (1986)
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    This shot-on-super-8 backyard gorefest operates on its own insane wavelength and features the classic tagline “tumorous parasitic beasts are nesting in the bowels of their victims.”
  2. Blackout (1985)
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    A bleak made-for-tv thriller that predates The Stepfather by two years. Following a brutal car crash and facial reconstructive surgery, Keith Carradine starts a new life. But is he also a vicious killer who slaughtered his family? Police chief Richard Widmark is on the case and running out of time.
  3. Cats (1994)
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    There are a lot of sub par pet videos out there safe for families & old ladies. This one, however, is a real life Best in Show, detailing the feline & fanatical: a cat astrologer, a cat therapist, a new age priestess and even Gus the miracle cat.
  4. Disconnected (1983)
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    The IMDb plot synopsis says “twin sisters are implicated in a series of slasher murders. The question is, did one of them do it, did both of them do it, or did neither of them do it?” Is that really what this movie is about? I’ve seen it a few times and still have no clue what they were doing or what they were trying for. It’s great!
  5. Equalizer 2000 (1987)
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    More films should feature ridiculously oversized fictional weaponry.
  6. Fatal Games (1984)
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    This classic era slasher flick deserves more attention, especially during an Olympics year. Teenagers at an athletic training camp are being stalked by a javelin-wielding maniac!
  7. A Gnome Named Gnorm (1990)
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    Michael Anthony Hall teams up with a gnome to catch a killer. I don’t gno how this was made but I’m glad it was.
  8. Heavenly Bodies (1984)
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    The Canadian aerobicsploitation flick that deserves to show up on EVERY best-of list ever is a heart pounding sex missile. An upstart aerobics studio collides with their cross-town rivals and only a marathon exercise competition can settle their differences.
  9. Interface (1985)
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    Computer hacking. Secret societies. College hijinks. This movie has it alllll!!
  10. The Jar (1984)
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    A holy grail for fans of what the fuck am I watching / I don’t think I can finish this / please make it stop / I want to watch it again cinema. It took me nearly 6 tries (and nearly as many months) to get through this the first time. A mini-masterpiece.
  11. Kill Squad (1982)
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    If you’ve been looking for a movie where EVERYONE fights (x 100,000!), this is what you need. Completely over the top and entertaining in nearly every way.
  12. Lady Avenger (1988)
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    You know, I'm all into revenge and Lady Avenger totally delivers the back alley gold as the pinnacle of David DeCoteau’s noteworthy career.
  13. The Man Who Created AIDS (1992)
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    Been looking for a four hour conspiracy doc made by an insane dude named Lanoo on how the World Health Organization and various US Presidents supervised the production and injection of AIDS? Look no further than this two tape. “Will we all be HIV positive by the year 2000?”
  14. Nukie (1988)
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    There were a lot of family-friendly alien flicks in the wake of ET but none so freakishly terrifying as this truly fucked adventure.
  15. Out of Bounds (1986)
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    A seriously underrated action flick featuring a psychotic Jeff Korber chasing fresh-from-the-farm Anthony Michael Hall across the streets of LA. With cool Siouxsie Sioux concert footage!
  16. Pulsebeat (1984)
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    Pulsebeat is to Heavenly Bodies as Heavenly Bodies is to Flashdance. A Euro entry into the aerobicsploitation scene awesome enough to cast Hands of Steel star Daniel Green as a gym owner!
  17. Quarterback Princess (1983)
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    Early ‘80s tv movie has a young Helen Hunt showing the team that, yes, she can play football even though she’s a girl. Bonus: young Daphne Zuniga & Tim Robbins!
  18. Revenge of the Mercenaries (1985)
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    Vietnam vets. Ritual murders. One of a kind performances. This Canadian shot-on-video classic is on permanent display at my house and is required viewing for psychotronic fanatics who think they’ve seen it all.
  19. Second Chance vs the Cop Killers (1975-1992)
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    This 7 hour 45 minute (yes, you read that correctly) tape is a wild one and perfect background for parties, weddings or any other type of special gathering. A promotional sales aid for police and military from the inventor of the kevlar bullet proof vest featuring tons of dopey reenactments and drop dead “comedy segments.” The real selling point, though, is extensive footage of the company’s founder shooting himself to prove that his product is a life-saver.
  20. Thunder Warrior II (1987)
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    God bless the Italians. If there was money to be made hopping onto a Hollywood trend, they were there. Thunder Warrior showcases 1990: The Bronx Warriors star Mark Gregory as Thunder, a Native American as a picked-upon Vietnam Vet (think John Rambo). But Thunder Warrior wasn’t the end of the story… Thunder returns in the excellent, same-movie-but-more Thunder Warrior II – this time as a fucking COP! Who gets sent to PRISON! Who escapes and enacts further REVENGE!!!
  21. Unholy Rollers (1972)
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    Even though I’ve seen Unholy Rollers, Kansas City Bomber, Derby & Whip It, I still have no understanding how roller derby is played or scored. But the girls in this AIP drive-in staple are foxy hellcats so it’s ok by me.
  22. The Vindicator (1986)
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    A Robocop-meets-Frankenstein manborg goes on a destructive rampage because he’s dead but still loves his girlfriend.
  23. Witchtrap (1989)
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    The director and star of Witchboard return with this not-a-sequel brain destroyer. What would have been a fun little haunted house movie crossed into all-time HOLY FUCKING SHIT material when the on-set audio was stolen, forcing the filmmakers to go back and completely re-dub the movie resulting in alien performances for the ages.
  24. Xtro (1983)
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    Simply put, XTRO RULES.
  25. Young Warriors (1983)
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    Students by day, vigilantes by night! A Cannon classic with an all star cast: Ernest Borgnine, Richard Roundtree, Lynda Day George, James Van Patten and more!
  26. The Zebra Force (1976)
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    Vietnam vets vs. the mafia with one of the greatest twist endings ever recorded to celluloid!