With the Divisional round of the NFL playoffs upon us, the larger American consciousness is shifting towards football whether you like it or not. Some are not as game for the games as I am, so here are 5 simple ways to get you started if you hate the sport but are socially pressured to watch.
  1. If a friend or coworker is talking about a player they seem to dislike, go ahead and call them "a clown." Everyone has biases towards their own favorite and least favorite players. Calling a player someone hates a clown immediately creates the illusion that you know your stuff. If you're feeling bold, call the same player "a disgrace."
  2. "The Secondary." Talk about the secondary a lot after a passing play (when the ball goes through the air--I won't assume anyone who actually needs this will know this for sure). Most of the time, the secondary will have failed in this scenario. Others, it will have succeeded. Read the room and emote accordingly. 😤👎🏼 vs 😩👌🏼
  3. "The Catch Rule." This is a great one. Also complain about "the competition committee" when talking about this. Try to limit this to a more general conversation unless you're sure a controversial call has been made on the field. You will be sure. The catch rule is labyrinthine and hard to decipher for even the most ardent fans and sports writers.
  4. Say "They need to address that position in the draft" if a player makes a bad play. This might be wrong, so this is where you mention the benefits of "depth" on the roster and "competition" at a position in the offseason. WARNING: this may catapult you into a convo about the NFL draft. If that occurs, act like you're too good for college football.
  5. If all else fails, or you're a bad liar, talk about the upcoming Super Bowl halftime show. We know Beyoncé will make an appearance--thankfully--but who the hell asked for Coldplay?! No one, that's who.