THOUGHTS I HAD WHEN I TRIED TO MEDITATE FOR FIVE MINUTES PER DAN HARRIS' SUGGESTION

  1. Wow I'm killing this
  2. The timer's broken
  3. Dan Harris is a fucking joke and I'm glad I didn't have to pay for his book
  4. I should write this all down
  5. Where's my phone?
  6. How bad is a bagel?
  7. Am I breathing? I'm not breathing
  8. Wish my weekend bag was monogrammed
  9. Why do I always have to drive?
  10. Taking a cab to work