So Max is my little boy. Right now, he's 8. In his defense, many of these gems are from when he was much younger. I love him to pieces. He has taught me an awful lot about what it must be like to be a dude.
- •Mom you need to get home quick. There's a bandit in the car next to us!!!Me: A bandit, what do you mean?? Max: You know, a guy who likes to take people's stuff. Me: why do you think there's a bandit in the car next to us? Max: Because he has a sign in his window that says 'Steeler Fan on Board'.
- •I do not have those!!!We were at the 'human body' exhibit. He was a toddler, so this conversation happened at the top of his little lungs. He was noticing the 'round things' on either side of the penises he saw and asking what they were. I explained they were testicles. He was adamant he didn't have them. Later that night during bath, I helped him find them. He was delighted!
- •Mom, get in here!!!! I can't find my testicles!!!!The bath maybe was a little too cool? He found them, eventually. I will not describe the search process. Yikes.
- •Whatever you say, Momma JThis is his attempt to butter me up. It totally works.
- •Mom, every time I go pee, I get a little shiver first.This became funnier a few hours later when he got up from building sand castles on the beach, walked into the ocean ankle deep, stood really still and then I saw the shiver. I fact checked this with some guy friends. Some claimed to know nothing about it. Others confirmed its a thing for some dudes.
- •No Mom, I like the Lilly who spreads her legs.Of course you do. (Clarification, this Lilly was a super sweet 3 year old who refused to cross her legs in the reading circle...she preferred to stretch them way out. You go, girl!)
- •I am so aggravated with my penis, it won't stay where I put it!This was stated very loudly on an airplane. It just wouldn't stay 'adjusted'. Unruly thing.
- •Mom, what if my penis was a gun and it shot white bullets!?!With time, son. With time.
- •I am so tired of looking at disgusting vaginas!He was little. Bath time with his sister was promptly ended.
- •Mom, you are really pretty.The BEST!