What I was, wasn't, wanted to be, and hoped I wouldn't be.
  1. Most people thought I was kind of a jock.
    And I was pretty decent as an athlete.
  2. I thought I was stupid to the point of near retardation.
    It turns out that I just had really bad ADD that went untreated.
  3. I had great fears of being labeled as a nerd.
    As an adult I have fully enjoyed being a nerd and did so well before it became popular to call yourself one.
  4. When I was 15, the chicks thought I was the shit.
    Prior to 15 and ever since, butt ugly. But that year...man!
  5. I was a near professional level curser as a preteen.
    And I was proud of it! Frankly, I still am - good at it and proud.
  6. I always thought I would one day discover my superpower. Seriously.
    I suspected that it would be extremely great eyesight. Or the ability to fly.
  7. I always felt like I was two people and worried a lot that I was schizophrenic.
    I was trying so hard to be "cool" at school, but at home I was trying to be a good kid. If the two worlds ever collided I was have probably puked. I worried so much that I was going to be locked in an insane asylum.
  8. Parent / Teacher conferences were the worst day of the year.
    My parents would finally learn what a screw up I was, and that I actually did have homework all those days that I said I didn't, which was every day. My stomach was tied in knots for a week before conferences.
  9. In third grade I had a desperate crush on a girl named Barbie, who had beautifully long hair.
    Until one day I was standing behind her in line and she let fly with a toxic SBD. She was dead to me after that.
  10. I got in trouble all the time, but not too much trouble.
    I screwed off constantly and got busted for it constantly, but I knew where to draw the line; right before getting sent to the principal's office or having a teacher call my parents. I was never expelled or sent home.
  11. They lied about girls loving a sense of humor.
    Or maybe I misinterpreted it. I thought it would help me get lucky. It turns out that girls like a guy with a sense of humor, they just don't want to make out with him. I think they're missing out.