Ways Things Would Be Different if I Were in Charge

And I should be in charge!
  1. One time use water bottles would be outlawed.
    Just bring a reusable water bottle with you, already. Be responsible for your own hydration.
  2. Guys who have butt crack showing would be ticketed by police. If their profession is not a plumber, fines double.
  3. Coconut would be both the state fruit and state nut.
    For all 50 states.
  4. Tim Horton's coffee is disgusting.
    This wouldn't be different, actually. It's disgusting now and it will be then. Sorry.
  5. Raisins would be okay in cookies, as long as it they were labeled as such, in 48 point font, so nobody mistakes them for chocolate chips.
    This happened to me once. The less said about it, the better.
  6. 12 Days Of Christmas? Gone.
  7. When I casually suggest to a friend that they check out The List App, they freaking join The List App!
  8. People would stop asking if I'm a clown just because I juggle and ride a unicycle.
    I'm not a clown!!
  9. I wouldn't look like a dork.
    This one is a flat out lie.
  10. Three day work week. Two day weekend. Two days leftover to do nothing but read books.
  11. When someone is reading a book, nobody is allowed to just come up and start talking to them.
    They have to stand nearby and wait until they are noticed and acknowledged. If no acknowledgement within three page turns, they have to walk away silently.