Be the Change

Kind of a corny title, but, since January I have definitely felt more of an urgency or importance in taking concrete action to change things/create the world I want to live in. This includes big things like activism but also personal things like eating better and taking care of yourself, your emotions, your relationships. So far I have:
  1. Marched in the Women's March
    It was horrible and rainy and there were a lot of rude gross men loudly trying to pick up women by repeating which Ivy League school they attended or being disrespectful to women with canes, so it was definitely not the nice experience that some people had. But it reinforced the need for us to be out there. Feminism is an important human rights movement, not a way for gross white guys to get laid 😒
  2. Finally joined the ACLU and NAACP
    Partly it was money and partly just an "I'll do it later" attitude, but after Charlottesville I decided it was too important to wait any longer.
  3. Made more of an effort to see people who are important to me, even when my social anxiety puts bad thoughts in my head or makes my fight or flight responses kick in
  4. My friend and I have been sending each other art via Instagram, and that has been really good
  5. Sent some dog videos 😂
    Inspired by the art sharing
  6. Bought a membership to an art museum
    Well, they're 2 separate museums that are like partners so you have to buy it for both, but that's perfectly fine with me. I've already gone enough times that I've more than gotten my money's worth. Going to art museums always makes me feel better about the world and, I don't know if "puts things in perspective" is really the correct phrase, but, I can see the art in historical context which in turns helps me see current events as part of the larger narrative I guess? Anyway it's good.
  7. Worn more artistic makeup
    Changing my perspective on my body from being a thing that needs to be in line with the status quo, attractive, not disruptive, to seeing it as something that exists as a container for my soul and a vessel for experiencing life, something beautiful and individual and important and mine. Seeing our bodies as works of art rather than sex objects is revolutionary.
  8. Unfollowed people who don't make me feel good
    Generally it's not done with malice, but if someone has bizarre beliefs or refuses to be political (not an option anymore) or is completely self obsessed and constantly reveling in excess, it makes me feel bad and life is just too short for that. Don't follow anyone on social media who makes you feel bad.
  9. Done one act of kindness that if I talk about it kind of negates it and even this bullet point might be too much....
  10. Prioritized the important over the urgent
    Not like seriously urgent, but my relatives are the kind of people who stir shit up when they're bored, and they have stirred up several situations which I was very concerned about, but I refused to put their narcissistic bullshit over things that were important to me (theater festival, closing weekend of the Monet exhibition), and wouldn't you know, I made the right choice. I definitely have some relatives who will take things way too far, but some are purely in it for attention.
  11. Unfortunately I haven't been able to volunteer because of my health, but I will as soon as I can.
    It always makes me feel so much better because I feel less powerless, and I make real genuine human connections, and it gives me a good dose of humility. Plus I hope it doesn't sound terrible but usually I'm serving people with disabilities so it makes me feel like I'm not alone, we exist, and if I care about them, surely someone cares about me.
  12. Stopped feeling guilty or ashamed about my health
    With the government trying to take away our healthcare, I really saw that disabled people are not the problem, are not a burden on society, not while these disgusting billionaires hoard more money than they could ever need. There is enough for everyone's need, but not for everyone's greed.
  13. Worn less makeup
    Generally when I go out to run errands, I only use concealer, and usually I just put on enough that my skin looks less horrifying and not enough to completely camouflage all my acne. I don't feel like I need to apologize for my existence anymore.
  14. Hopefully will be donating some stuff soon
    I have a gift card that I got from ebates last year that I wanted to use to buy kids' clothing to donate, but I wasn't healthy enough to go shopping. Yeah I honestly am that sick; I buy everything online. I want to get more bang for my buck, though, so I need to shop the in-store sales for donating. Anyway. I hope I can do it this year. My family donates to a parish and they distribute stuff to families, so I like to buy things rather than give money for various reasons that I can't fit here. 😅
  15. Been more assertive
    Still working on it but I'm definitely more assertive than I used to be
  16. Found a new doctor
    Not letting any doctor make me feel bad about my life anymore. The one I saw last year told me I "look fine" after I gave her my whole long history, and it honestly made me fall into a serious depression for a while because I have heard that shit from so many people including "health professionals." But I finally decided that ignorant "health professionals" don't get to shame me about the very real health problems that have completely disrupted my life. I matter and my health problems are real.
  17. Worked on changing my diet
    I was already in the process, and it's slow going for many reasons, but I'm still working on it.
  18. Stood up for myself
  19. Not sure how to phrase this but I'm taking my ideas more seriously
    I'm working on a podcast which again is obviously very slow going, but if I can do it, I really think it's going to be so good. I hope nobody starts one with a similar premise in the meantime 🤞🏻
  20. Working on downsizing
    If you could see how many boxes full of clothes are currently in this room, you would not believe me, but there are various reasons for that, and I genuinely don't feel like I'm just making excuses. My weight fluctuates depending on my health, so I have to keep a variety of sizes. It doesn't fluctuate that much, but enough that I need different sizes available. Anyway, I'll keep the stuff I love and donate and sell the rest.
  21. I'm learning to accept my health issues
    Not accept as in not try to alter my diet, go to doctors, etc, but accept as in I'm not as embarrassed anymore. I'll go out in ugly shoes when my foot hurts, and when my skin is freaking out, and I've even hung out with friends when I wasn't able to put on makeup. That hadn't happened since I was like...I don't even know, 12? Just trying to live my life the way it is and not keep waiting for my health to get better. I don't not deserve friends just because I'm sick (which I used to believe).
  22. Expanded my horizons
    I've been more into sci-fi and dystopian stories. It was never really my cup of tea, but I see the value and importance now and am getting into it.
  23. Been dressing more interesting...ly?
    Similar to the makeup, feels like a way to express myself and also celebrate humanness and our bodies and such. More interesting textures and silhouettes, not so into the jeans and t-shirt thing I was rocking for a while. Be art.
  24. I haven't actually made art because I don't have the space/materials/energy, but I will soon
  25. Learned more about stuff I didn't know
  26. Taken more selfies
    Not like a ton more selfies, but considering I used to take no selfies, it's an improvement
  27. Spent more money on food
    It's kinda hard to explain this one. Basically I have a bit more money now and also I have accepted that sometimes I have to buy the pre-cut stuff because my hands hurt and that's not my fault and I shouldn't punish myself by not eating because of it. I wasn't intentionally not eating, but I would buy the whole foods then not be able to cut/prepare them and then not eat/throw them away anyway because they went bad. I don't think most people understand that aspect of having health issues.
  28. Cut full bangs
    They make my face look rounder and I was always told to avoid that, but fuck that shit, I love bangs, they're cute as hell and so what if they make my face look less attractive, that's not really the point of my existence ok?!
  29. Let people be kind to me
    I know I talked about this in old (now deleted) lists, but I was taught that you don't inconvenience people. And I was also told that I was a burden. So I used to always turn down kindness. But I've let people buy me drinks and give me rides home, and now I'm even at a point where I don't feel any guilt, I just feel nice. ❤️
  30. Shown more love
    I think most of us have gotten that weird message/teaching that we're not supposed to let people know we care about them, like it makes us vulnerable or weak or whatever the fuck. Screw that. We could all use more love.
  31. Allowed myself to change and grow and try things and change my mind
    If something isn't working, change it. If that's not working, change that too. There's nothing wrong with being wrong sometimes. It happens to everyone, except for very stubborn people who refuse to change, even when something isn't working, and do you really want to be like that? No you don't.
  32. Well this is kind of a long list. That makes me feel better. I always feel like I can't do much because...well, I can't do much. But I am doing the best I can with my unique set of circumstances, and I think I'm doing pretty well, all things considered.
  33. Oh also, for the most part, stopped explaining my health to people
    Obviously there are people who genuinely care and I will tell them, but people who make you explain over and over just so they can talk over you or tell you that you're not really sick or use it to belittle you or try to control you or tell you to try some magic internet cure, just fuck all of those people
  34. Went to my crush's gig with no makeup
    Well ok I used concealer and I filled my brows in, but I didn't touch up my concealer even though I could feel my face getting oily, so who knows hows I looked. And I wore a t-shirt and my running shoes. A much bigger deal than not wearing makeup around my friends who definitely don't care/I don't have feelings for. I kinda can't believe I actually did it. Past me would have just not gone if I didn't have time to paint my face. I didn't even do eyeliner on the bus or anything.
  35. Was civil but firm with an old friend who doesn't treat me well
    He's friends with my friends. I hadn't seen him in almost a year, but I can't fully avoid him.
  36. Probably going to see a childhood friend next week
    She was not a great friend. I'll give her a chance, but I won't go out of my way or let her step on me again. If she's grown up, we can start over, but I won't tolerate her old bs. I think giving her one last chance is the right thing to do, but I'm definitely not going to act like nothing happened or be a doormat like I used to be. I'm not the same person anymore.