5 PLACES YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SEX

If you're anything like me, sex is something that doesn't have to be filthy. A condom is complicated enough so let's not spice up our sex life, k Bae?
  1. 1.
    The beach - seriously fuck the sand and the crabs and the shit going up your ass that shouldn't be there
  2. 2.
    The club - are you gross? Do you want disease? Do you want to go where every man and woman has gone before?
  3. 3.
    A motel - if cockroaches and the fact that motels are the go-to last minute sex joints don't weird you out, have at it. Just don't come crying to me when the bathtub bleeds blue
  4. 4.
    The park - parks are wide open spaces filled with parents and kids and old people that will judge you for being the gross animals that you are
  5. 5.
    Any house but your own - Do not, I repeat DO NOT do it at your grandparents or your mums or even your bae's. And if worst comes to worst, know your escape routes