BRILLIANT STUFF MY BFF SAID

  1. It just hit me like a ton of drinks.
    drunk
  2. I just gotta get my dicks in a row.
    on tinder
  3. Maybe we should make a deal right now that nobody ever gets mad at me.
  4. That's the pot calling the kettle back.
    hey kettle, sorry I missed you. I guess we're playing phone tag again. this is pot, by the way.
  5. Oh my favorite actor is in it, Benderbach Cumberdin.
  6. I know! Nothing ever happens the way you think it's going to. Sir, can I tell you what happened to me today? I got this weird bite on my foot. I think it may have been a spider. What do you think it is?
    to the IRS helpline
  7. If I eat one more dream bar I'm gonna dream bar-f.
  8. We should totally go to Olive Garden!
  9. Did you know that when I put my bun on top my head I call it my own little world? When people touch it, I tell them, 'get your fingers out of my little world.'