MY FUNERAL PLANS
Seeing a lot of these lists and they have me DYING laughing.... (Forced?)
- •First and foremost, I'll be wearing an exact replica of the costume that Beyoncé wore during her 2014 VMA's "Flawless" performance.
- •The casket will be hand painted by Lisa Frank.And preferably include a design that involves dessert, like this one.
- •The casket, which has wheels, will be pulled to the front of the sanctuary by a dozen well-trained Labrador retrievers.
- •The service will begin with the congregation singing the theme song to "Friends" in a rich 5-part harmony.
- •The remainder of the service will consist of testimonies from every male member of the congregation, explaining, in detail, why they never dated me.
- •Following the service, all guests will be encouraged to follow the hearse to the cemetery on tandem bicycles.
- •Before the burial, @blakebass will place a single wing from a monarch butterfly on top of the casket to represent appreciation for our queen, Mariah Carey.
- •Finally, my casket is lowered into the ground while "Push it to the Limit" by Corbin Bleu is playing at an uncomfortably loud volume.