RIDICULOUS TEXTS I'VE SENT SO FAR IN 2016

  1. "I'm not gonna say I'll NEVER lick an asshole"
  2. "Joe Jonas is on Grease Live singing Hand-Jive"
  3. "I can't imagine not having a crush on every boy I ever meet"
  4. "But I just had doc style wings and 2 orders of fries so idk how much standing I'll do"
  5. "There haven been other gay men I've thought were good looking and I could vibe with but I never legit had feelings for them"
  6. "It's not like the farts are in private either. She's farting IN patient rooms"
  7. "Wow yah I hate the fingertips clenching on the butt skin"
  8. "I'm sorry I will not be able to babysit. I thought I removed my number from Care.com"