WAYS I'LL DIE AT HOME DURING SPRING BREAK

  1. From blood loss after my dog bites me and leaves multiple puncture wounds all over my body.
  2. From dangerously low electrolyte levels because my parents cook food without salt.
  3. From hyperglycemia when I eat all the mini Reese cups in the candy dish in one sitting.
  4. From a cluster of seizures following 24 hours of nonstop Netflix.
  5. From hypothermia because my parents won't let me touch the thermostat.
  6. From blunt head trauma when I fall out of my twin sized bed.
  7. From E. Coli when I eat from the jar of peanut butter that expired in 2013.
  8. From embarrassment when I look at my senior picture collage.