Because he's the funniest guy I know
  1. When I complained that I forgot to buy ketchup... "Oh well, Heinz-sight is always 20/20."
  2. "What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?" "What?" "I wouldn't pay to have a lentil on my face."
  3. Every time we pass by a cemetery... "I hear people are dying to get in there."
  4. "Your friend said you sound like an owl." "Who?"
    Walked straight into that one
  5. "Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?" "No, what happened?" "It's ok, he woke up."
  6. "What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?" "I don't know, Dad." "Tennish."
  7. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it
    Suggested by @jfiguere
  8. "Son, I don't love you."
    Hahaha...wait what?