CHRISTMAS EDITION : THINGS MY RELATIVES SAID DURING THE HOLIDAYS (AND MY MENTAL RESPONSES)

Thanksgiving was just the warmup. (THINGS MY RELATIVES SAID DURING THE HOLIDAYS (AND MY MENTAL RESPONSES)) This was a little delayed.
  1. "I hate hearing her read, her voice is too high. I tell her to talk sexy"
    Said about subjects 6 year old daughter. Monster woman, you hate when she READS?!
  2. "Sometimes I confuse *2yrold daughter's name* with *deceased dog's name*"
    You confuse your offspring with a dog that has been dead almost 10 years? That is totally the same as the previous example of calling one dog a previous dogs name.
  3. "Kids today are lazy. That's why they can't find jobs"
    Def has nothing to do with the economy. Let's lump everyone age 18-28 in a box they certainly can't be individuals.
  4. "I'm not racist but..."
    Always followed by a highly racist comment
  5. "I don't have a problem with them being gay but..."
    See previous
  6. "I worked all night to put that shit stain on those shorts!"
    Welp. White elephant is always a gamble.
  7. "They said I turned him because I wouldn't sleep with him"
    Not how that works
  8. "Santa wrote a letter because he took some of the gifts to the wrong house"
    Your logic ruins childhood wonder and I hate you.
  9. "I didn't get any socks!"
    Christmas was a failure and we should all just quit