FAITH ON A PLANE
Idk where I'm going guys my nap didn't last long and my brain is fried plantains
- •This week brought front and center some things about the root of my plane anxietyI've taken off and landed too many times for my liking this week. Which is normally once but when it happens to be ten times it's a little more prevalent on my mind.
- •For some reason it seems like identifying the specific fear that causes the anxiety might help eliminate it? This in my completely unprofessional opinion. So I keep attempting to determine if it is more a fear of the plane and the pilot malfunctioning or is it a fear of death or dismemberment or well you get the point.I've had quite a bit of time to get into my own head and poke around because that never ends poorly.
- •Partially it feels like a loss of control, an uninformed leap of faith in a human being you've never met or interacted with (not that my judgement is any good as is), and also YOU'RE IN A GIANT METAL TUBE IN THE SKYSee this previous live listing of my flight issues on full display (yeah I'm going to link to myself are you really shocked) THOUGHTS I HAVE ON A PLANE
- •Often, when people ask about it (middle aged engineer whose arm I grabbed during a particularly rough patch of turbulence, guy who said "you turned white as a sheet" and I imagine he knew what someone in a sheet looked like, anyone who has seen me at the yazoo kiosk self medicating with Sue before a flight) they say "are you just afraid to die?"
- •Which I am, constantly, fearful of my own mortality but it doesn't give me the weird anxiety I get in say a puddle jumper to Liberia from San Jose
- •And I see so many people get on planes without anxiety and at least statistically a good number of them have to be atheistsSo faith can't be the only thing separating me from the calm masses that climb aboard these metal death traps with their children and loved ones
- •And I had a ReaL tALK™ with my best friend this week about our faith and what happens when you dieI was raised Catholic, she was raised Lutheran, in more a community vibe. She also just had her first close family death, and I think it shook her a bit. My family has FUNerals.
- •She believes this is it. Which I find sad and frustrating and also resist every day of my lifeMy brother feels the same so that's a thing. I just think if that's what you believe there's truly nothing after this what in the world are you doing eating anything but crab legs and taking crazy vacations on credit cards. Oh wait....
- •But if that's what I felt, wouldn't my plane anxiety make more sense and if so why doesn't she have it?I'm kind of losing my direction here guys I miss drafts so much
- •Finding faith impressive doesn't make me stupid. Being envious of people who have a belief system that gives them comfort and morals and a community doesn't seem nutty to me.Even if sometimes those morals are fucked up? Idk religion is insane and intense
- •I keep circling back to the mortality of it all thoughLike it would make sense if I was just like "I don't want to die?" Right ?
- •But I don't think it's that?
- •Also can someone explain to me where we go when we die? Pretend I'm your five year old sugar coat it I have to get on another plane in a few hours