How To FUNeral™
A comprehensive guide
- •Prepare activities in advanceA FUNeral™ binder is suggested but not required. Design all needed materials and provide information on expectations. This ideally should be done with the FUNeral™ honoree but can be done beside their unconscious body in a pinch.
- •Gather suppliesNormal funeral attendance requires tissues. FUNeral attendance has a slightly more interesting set of needs. Depending on your family's sensibilities you may need a plan for how to casually be consuming alcohol in plain site. Sunglasses are key and extra points for carrying extra pairs for those less prepared. Mints, gum, sitting by the aunt whose perfume overpowers all scents- all of these are good plans. Protein bars work as weapons or fuel.
- •Bring a change of clothes for the bounce house/volleyball gameFor extra points, bathing suit. The neighbors may take pity on you if it is mid July and you always want to be ready for water sports.
- •Have dramatic comebacks plannedFor things like tattoos, unemployment, chronic single disease, lack of offspring as you near your expiration date, expensive items you shouldn't own because you are broke (car, nice shoes, anything that has a brand), that one cousin who says passive aggressive things like "oh I always wondered what life would be like if I hadn't found my spouse, how is the dating scene?"
- •If at all possible have an escape planA back set of stairs or cupboard to hide in.
- •Most importantly, remember you can't spell FUNeral without F-U-NBut that you can borrow the F-U if need be